So Reese Witherspoon has a new movie that just premiered called This Means War. Because she wants it to do well she signed some autographs for fans. And basically took her top off. So yeah, the movie is going to do very well. More actresses should try this when promoting their films. This is an Academy Award and Golden Globe winner here ladies. She knows what she’s doing.

Jessica White, who we expect to appear in next week’s new Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, figured out a surefire way to get the people who pick the cover’s attention by wearing completely see-through clothing to a benefit concert at Carnegie Hall. In other news, what the fuck kind of outfit is that anyway?

5 Types of People Who Always Give Terrible Advice

Everyone is quick to offer advice, regardless of whether you asked or not… and with so much coming in, it’s hard to separate genuine wisdom from verbal toilet paper, but when confronted with advice from these 5 types of people it’s best if you try to turn a deaf ear.

Straight from the Heart — No guy looks forward to Valentine’s Day. The flowers and chocolates are easy, but expressing our “feelings” in a card is not exactly our speed. Here’s what it would look like if guys wrote Valentine’s Day cards.

Traditionally Stupid — Let’s just say it. Valentine’s Day is dumb and everyone knows it. The problem is, that doesn’t make it any easier to avoid, because these 14 dumb Valentine’s Day traditions are always in your face.

Take Your Pick: Lisalla, Ali, or Maryeve??

    

Why Wasn’t This Televised? — They usually cheer from the sidelines, but about three weeks ago the Miami Dolphins and Tampa Bay Buccaneers cheerleaders took the field to compete in volleyball, tug of war, and flag football. Yes, it was as epic as it sounds.

Reality Bites — Right now there is a dating show on TV. Flick through the channels, it’s there. However if you ever plan on participating in one of these abominations here are the 6 types of girls you’ll meet. You’ve been warned.

Stuff You Should Know — Kate Beckinsale walked her dogs wearing super tight spandex pants. … If you don’t follow any Playboy Playmates on Twitter, you really should. Here’s why. … FHM’s 2012 100 Sexiest Women in the World voting is now open. Time to do some research.

Blake Lively Behind-the-Scenes

A few days ago we shared some sexy photos that Elle magazine took of Gossip Girl star Blake Lively. Now there’s video, and we think you’ll enjoy it.

Now we know that Jessica Perez will be in this year’s edition because she won their model search. And we know that Kate Upton is slated to appear again this year, but is she going to get the cover as most people believe (or hope)? And will she top last year’s ridiculous outtakes?

Here are your cover model odds…
Cintia Dicker 75-1
Kenza Fourati 65-1
Alyssa Miller 60-1
Bruna Schmitz 54-1
Michelle Money 46-1
Damaris Lewis 40-1
Irina Shayk (last year’s cover model) 32-1
Shannan Click 28-1
Kim Glass 25-1
Ashley Hebert 24-1
Julie Henderson 22-1
Hilary Rhoda 20-1
Chantal O’Brien 18-1
Brooklyn Decker 17-1
Anne Vyalitsyna 16-1
Jessica White 15-1
Chrissy Teigen 14-1
Esti Ginzburg 12-1
Izabel Goulart 10-1
Leryn Franco 8-1
Jessica Gomes 5-1
Genevieve Morton 3-1
Kate Upton 2-1

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit [Facebook]

Elizabeth on the traits that make her popular with men…

“I can hang with the dudes because I love beef and baseball and driving fast and flirting. I understand where men are coming from and I’m interested in typically male endeavors. But I can also wear the short skirt and cheerlead.”

On what she calls “awesome”…

“Prison rodeos. Google this shit! I’m dying to go!”

What makes her laugh…

“You’ll never see me in a T-shirt that has the body of a skinny lady wearing a bikini. But that fact that it exists really tickles me. And I think it’s hilarious when a fat lady wears it. Fat lady wearing it, hilarious. Guy in it, even funnier.”

Is she married?

And as if that wasn’t enough, there’s this…

For some reason every time I see pics of Erin Heatherton posing in lingerie for Victoria’s Secret I get a different feeling than I did before. Why is that? Oh yeah, because Leonardo DiCaprio is dating her now. And that feeling is jealousy. You know, I’d really like to hate on the guy, but in truth what’s to hate? He’s rich, famous, good-looking, single, and he dates the hottest women on the planet. I mean he broke up with Bar Refaeli for God’s sake. He’s just living the dream. Jerk…

(For those of you that are confused by the headline, read this. And try to keep up.)

People are always decrying rock star drug use and mourning those poor unfortunate souls who rode the contents of a needle into the great beyond – hell, the rock star drug overdose death is perhaps the most clichéd kind of death there is – but no one ever celebrates those intrepid souls who overdose and manage to cheat the Reaper. And that’s where we come in. The following nine rock stars all overdosed yet lived to tell the tale. Sure, some died later on due to their self-destructive ways but it wasn’t the drugs that took them to the great gig in the sky.

Now there are a lot of people who could have been on this list, people who probably (okay, almost definitely) overdosed once or twice or twelve times, like Ozzy Osbourne or Iggy Pop, but this list is reserved for those who didn’t “probably” overdose but those who definitely overdosed. These are the ones who ended up with a needle full of adrenaline shoved in their chest. These are the ones who literally died and then came back to life, sort of like Jesus. Does this make them holy? I don’t know. You’ll have to look within for those spiritual answers.

9 Eminem
Back in 2007, Eminem overdosed on methadone and ended up in the hospital, only hours away from death. According to Eminem himself, his doctor told him that he had ingested the equivalent of four baggies of heroin, which, uh, that’s a lot of heroin. Eventually, Eminem cleaned up and found Jesus, or at least Rihanna, which is sort of the same thing. Well, at least if you assume that Jesus had Sideshow Bob hair and a killer ass. He walked a lot so he probably did. Anyway… methadone? Really? The next thing you’ll tell me is that Demi Moore was hospitalized after stroking out from doing too many whippets. Oh. I see.

8 Elton John
If you look up “cocaine” in the dictionary there will probably be a picture of Elton John in a giant duck costume playing the piano, so it’s really no surprise that he overdosed back in 1975 while in Los Angeles. The best part is that the overdose occurred during the middle of Elton John Week in L.A. I mean, let’s be honest, if the entertainment capital of the world had suddenly declared a whole week in your honor, you’d probably carry on like some degenerate Roman on spring break too. Still, there’s no excuse for that duck costume.

7 Phil Anselmo
Following a show in Texas in 1996, Phil Anselmo, the combative singer for Pantera, overdosed on heroin, which caused his heart to stop beating for almost five minutes. Eventually he woke up in the hospital to the sound of a nurse welcoming him back from the dead, although I’m guessing Phil would have rather hung out with the Reaper for a little while longer rather than have to face the wrath of his bandmates, the Abbott brothers. But hey, he did recover and everyone lived happily ever after. Right? Right???

6 Vanilla Ice
On the 4th of July in 1994, Vanilla Ice tried to kill himself with a heroin overdose. Like everything else in his life, it didn’t work. He was revived by friends and later went on to win the Nobel Prize in Physics for his work on the Large Hadron Particle Accelerator in Geneva, Switzerland. Or they revived him and he marked his second chance by getting a tattoo of a leaf on his stomach before becoming a jet-ski racer and a Juggalo. Either one. I’m just glad he found a purpose in life. As long as he never speaks into a microphone again, we’re good.

5 Steven Adler
Steven Adler, former drummer for Guns ‘N Roses and current fuckup reality star, has never had that widely publicized overdose most people would call rock bottom. No, instead, Steven Adler has had no less than 28 of those rock-bottom overdoses. 28. Basically, his whole adult life has been one extended overdose. He has overdosed so many times that it has pretty much become his career. Then again, I’m guessing having to deal with Axl Rose on a regular basis would drive anyone to madness and the warm embrace of a needle so who am I to judge? Besides, with bandmates like Izzy Stradlin, Slash and Duff McKagan, heroin addiction was pretty much a prerequisite for being in the band. In fact, it’s kind of amazing that they’re all still alive. So, uh… congrats, fellas?

4 Kurt Cobain
Kurt Cobain and “heroin” go together like Kurt Cobain and “grunge” or Kurt Cobain and “depressed.” He is almost the stereotype of the heroin beset sad panda rock star so it’s no surprise that he’s on this list. Among Cobain’s more infamous overdoses (Yes, there’s more than one. Surprise!) is his 1993 overdose just before a concert. Instead of, you know, calling an ambulance, his wife, Courtney Love – more on her later – jabbed him with a needle Pulp Fiction style, bringing him back from his heroin cloud so he could perform the show. His most famous OD, though, was probably his 1994 overdose in Rome, an apparent suicide attempt which saw him almost die from a combination of champagne and too much Rohypnol. Yes, Kurt Cobain tried to Roofie himself to death. Of course, he survived and returned to Seattle where he eventually overdosed on shotgun pellets – after doing a shitload of heroin. Naturally. But hey, at least the heroin didn’t kill him. After all, Kurt Cobain isn’t a cliché. Oh wait…

3 Courtney Love
Where there’s Kurt, there’s Courtney, and this list is no exception. While Kurt may be the poster-boy for the angst ridden, heroin addicted rock star, Courtney Love is basically one big living, breathing drug punchline. The two things that define Courtney Love’s life more than anything else – at least to the general public – are her husband’s suicide and her own rampant drug use over the years. She’s basically what Lindsay Lohan would see if Doc Brown showed up with the DeLorean and offered to show her the future. So, naturally, it’s not surprising that Courtney Love has survived an overdose – specifically, a 2003 overdose on painkillers, an overdose which came after she was arrested for trying to break into her ex-boyfriend’s home. That incident saw her lose custody of her daughter, Frances Bean, whose best bet is to probably move to an ashram in the Himalayas or something. Today, Courtney Love is apparently clean and the only thing she overdoses on is insanity. Oh, and terrible, terrible plastic surgery.

2 Slash
Like I said in the section on Steven Adler, it’s amazing that Slash is still alive. He basically spent his entire time in Guns N’ Roses staggering around in a Jack Daniels and heroin induced haze. I’m not even sure how he got his fingers to work to play the guitar given that he could barely stand up most of the time. Still, nobody is cooler than Slash and today he’ll tell you all about his various overdoses just like he’s telling you a story about going to the grocery store. He’ll tell you about the time he died in a San Francisco hotel room after overdosing, frightening the poor maid before being brought back to life and then checking out of the ER that same night. He’ll tell you all about the time that he shot up so much coke at a resort that he saw tiny little Predators who then chased him all over the resort, bleeding, before he hid behind a lawnmower in a shed until they faded away and the cops came to arrest him. He’ll tell you it all, and that’s because somehow the dude managed to survive it all. Sure, he has a damn pacemaker in his chest now thanks to his years of insane drug and alcohol abuse but he’s friggin’ Slash, man, and you’re not. So there.

1 Nikki Sixx
Someone from Mötley Crüe almost had to be number one on this list, right? No band has ever been more synonymous with wild excess and random overdoses than that collection of misfits. Naturally, the band’s leader, Nikki Sixx, is the one with the most infamous overdose story. It’s pretty much the king of all rock and roll overdose stories. In 1987, Sixx shot up a huge batch of heroin and did what most people would do as a result – he died. He was revived via adrenaline in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, and once he arrived at the hospital, he then ripped out all the tubes that were, you know, keeping him alive, and fled on foot, where he caught a ride home with two teenage girls. He then shot up a huge batch of heroin and passed out but not before recording a new answering machine message that said “Hey, it’s Nikki. I’m not here because I’m dead.” Now that’s rock and roll. And that’s why he’s number one this list.

“Victoria’s Secret was my absolutely biggest goal in life, and it was all I ever wanted career-wise. I actually loved it while I was there, it was so much fun and I had a blast.

But the more I was modeling lingerie, and lingerie isn’t clothing, I just started becoming more uncomfortable with it because of my faith.”

And she thought that by getting the gig working for Victoria’s Secret she’d be modeling, what, parkas and overalls?

Going on to say that it made her uncomfortable getting nearly naked, not only because she wasn’t setting a good example for other Christians, but because her hot body should be for her husband’s eyes only!

“My body should only be for my husband and it’s just a sacred thing,” she explained.

Fine. Whatever…

While this is a loss to men everywhere, January of 2010 was the last time I shared any photos of her so I doubt we’ll miss her that much. That being said, here’s a little of what we won’t be seeing.

Christian Model Quits Victoria’s Secret: ‘My Body Should Only Be For My Husband’ [Radar]

6 Real People with Mind-Blowing Mutant Superpowers

We’ve all dreamed of having superpowers at some point (today), but the majority of us have to accept the sobering reality that preternatural abilities simply aren’t possible. That is, except for some rare cases of real, actual people with bona fide powers that defy explanation.

Single or Double Ply? — Here’s a new one: a woman had sex with a man for $25 worth of toilet paper. Of course, she claimed she wasn’t a prostitute.

Always Sunny — The Phoenix Suns record may not be all that great this season, but if there’s one thing to still be excited about in desert, it’s the Phoenix Suns Dancers.

Take Your Pick: Lauren, Dominique, or Arianny??

    

Strong Opposition — Gay people getting married has been a real hot button issue over the last year. The reasons to oppose gay marriage are plentiful, but the problem is you’ve probably only heard the bad ones. Here are five that make a lot more sense.

Undeniable — Even in a bathrobe, Sofia Vergara is still sexy. … Speaking of still sexy, here’s 100 pictures of new Patriots receivers coach Gisele Bundchen. … And here’s a lady who might not come to mind right away when you think of sexy but really should: Alison Haislip, who stars in a upcoming new show on Hulu.

Jessica Burciaga in a New Stop Motion Video

The kids over at Kaloopy Media have put together yet another sexy stop-motion video for our viewing pleasure. This time around they grabbed former Playboy Playmate Jessica Burciaga and put her to work.

I have been trumpeting the talents of Catrinel Menghia for months now and was finally vindicated when she appeared in arguably the sexiest Super Bowl commercial ever on Sunday trying to sell cars for Fiat. Now we get more reasons why I still think she was robbed in the Sports Illustrated model search last year as she did another smoking hot photo shoot for Lise Charmel. And in case you missed that ad or like me just want to see it again, here you go…

(She’s Romanian by the way, not Italian, what an actress.)

Lindsay Lohan and photographer Terry Richardson were made for one another. He’s a great photographer who gets the sexiest women in the world to pose scantily clad for amazing photographs, and LiLo needs money and is willing to be photographed wearing anything, everything, and nothing. One of these sets of photos (the color ones) are for Love magazine (love Love magazine) and the other is for I don’t know what, but there’s loads of cleavage so it’s all good.

But seriously, people really care…

Katharine lists the ways she thinks the two shows are different. The singer-turned-actress says Smash is a “drama” with “some moments of comedy.”

“We are a drama about the making of a Broadway show and all the kind of things that go into making it,” she says. “All of our songs are really kind of in context of the show.”

“Glee has sometimes six or seven songs in an episode. We have maybe two or three songs. So, it really is still kind of story-driven and character-driven.”

See? Totally different.

Katharine McPhee Says Smash And Glee Are ‘Totally Different Shows’ [Radar]

As you see here, Kelly Brook did a sexy new photo shoot for something called Fabulous magazine. Not sure what Fabulous magazine is, but from the looks of these photos the name seems rather appropriate. It’s good to see Kelly getting bit back to her roots a little bit, posing all sexy-like for magazines. I hate it when people forget where they came from and what made them a star in the first place. Nice job, Kelly. Keep it up.

11 Dumb Reasons Girls Turn Down Guys

Where’s the line between legitimate reasons to tell a guy to go back to the time void and when women are just being ridiculously picky? Coming at this issue from the female side, here are 11 of the dumbest reasons women turn down guys.

Table for Two? — Sad Keanu just got himself a lunch date. Here’s the best of Sad Tom Brady.

Football Jones — Porn star/NFL “fan” Bibi Jones seemed to be enjoying the Super Bowl a lot on Sunday. For awhile. … Don’t believe me? Here’s 50 more pics of proof.

Take Your Pick: Catrinel, Italia, or Giada??

    

Fight for Your Right — Not all bands let record companies get away with being interfering dicks. Every now and then, through luck, opportunism or having balls of brass, some get to fight back. Here are the 6 most elaborate F-Yous from musicians to the music industry.

What She Wants — Whether you want spend one dollar or thousands of them, here are 101 Valentine’s gifts for every woman imaginable.

Best in the World — The 2012 NEC Autosport Promo Girls might be the hottest set of pseudo-cheerleaders on the planet. … Speaking of hottest on the planet, Arianny Celeste proves once again she’s the sexiest ring girl in the world with this smoking new video. … As for Bianca Beauchamp? Yeah, she’s not too shabby either (NSFWish).

Mobility Scooter That Goes 70 MPH

If they had these in my local Walmart I might never walk while shopping again. (found on Buzzfeed)

I figured since she was featured today as one of 9 famous people you didn’t know were star athletes we’d take a deeper look at Elsa Hosk. And by deeper look I of course mean look at her in Victoria’s Secret lingerie. As you can easily see her athletic skills are beyond reproach. She’d be my #1 pick and it wouldn’t even matter what sport we were playing. Though I’m thinking touch football might be the best game for her. (By the way, here’s even more photos from this photo shoot… if you’re interested.)

What else can one say about Kate that the video doesn’t say for itself? The folks over at Sports Illustrated must be thanking the heavens that she fell into their lap. I wonder if they knew she’d be this popular when they signed her up last year? Looking at her in this video, they probably did.

I am loving the direction that Guess has gone the last year or so. It’s like the old days when they had all the hottest models. Today we get to see their latest addition, Sandrah Hellberg. She’s Swedish. Their stable now includes Irina Shayk, Shelby Keeton, Julia Lescova, Kate Upton, and Heide Lindgen. That’s quite an all-star team there.

Despite my undying love for Greek goddess Maria Menounos, she is an evil Patriots fan. A diehard one at that. And she paid up a bet with fellow Extra host A.J. Calloway by showing up in Times Square in a bikini.

There’s not much else that needs to be said here. Although we would have enjoyed Calloway in a Pats cheerleader outfit had their been a different result, we’re content with Menounos in a bikini. Here’s the segment if you missed it.

Believe it or not, famous people had lives before their fame came to claim them. Some of these lives were even interesting. Indeed, not all famous people were grown in a lab (like Tila Tequila) or sent from hell to be harbingers of the coming Apocalypse (like the Kardashians.) Most of them grew up, went to school and did the same things most of us do – or try to do anyway – things like playing sports. And some of these pre-famous people were even good enough to legitimately call themselves “star athletes.” And it’s to this select group that this list is devoted. The following nine famous folks all have one thing in common – before they were famous, they were star athletes.

9 Mark Harmon
It makes sense that Mark Harmon was a star athlete, given that his father was Tom Harmon, who won the Heisman Trophy at Michigan in 1940, but it also makes sense that he became a movie star (well, television star and occasional movie participant, but let’s not split hairs here, okay?) since his mother, Elyse Knox, was a model and movie star in the ‘30s and ‘40s. So I suppose it was destiny that Mark Harmon managed to do both, first as a star quarterback at UCLA and then as an actor. I’m pretty sure that this means that Tim Tebow is destined to star in something called NCISCINCSCI on CBS in the year 2052, chasing bad guys, throwing tight spirals (well, maybe not if it’s Tebow) and checking corpses for semen stains all within a neat 60 minute window. Truly, Mark Harmon is a trendsetter. His parents would be so proud.

8 Joel McHale
We’re stretching the definition of the term “star athlete” a bit here, since Joel McHale was only a walk-on tight end at Washington in the early/mid ‘90s, but still, that makes him more of an accomplished athlete than 99% of the population. Even before McHale managed to play his way onto the football team, he was recruited to be on the rowing team at Washington, which is sort of like being a football star, only nobody cares and people think you’re an enormous douche-bag like the Winklevoss twins or that other dude with the giant rowboat, Noah. But thankfully for McHale, he managed to escape first into the world of football, where he spent two years getting bashed in the head by 300 pound men, and then into the world of stand-up comedy and then acting, where he has made a name for himself first as the host of Talk Soup on E! and then as the lead in NBC’s Community, which is basically the fame equivalent of being a walk-on tight end at Washington. By the way, hosting a show on Bravo is the fame equivalent of being a member of the rowing team, just in case anybody was wondering, and I know you were.

7 Elsa Hosk
Elsa Hosk, Swedish Victoria’s Secret model was once a professional basketball player in Sweden. I’d say something interesting or funny here but I know you stopped reading and began picture hunting after the phrase “Swedish Victoria’s Secret model.” Don’t ever say I don’t understand how your mind works, you degenerates.

6 Matthew Fox
Long before Dr. Jack Shephard was stranded on Lost, he was stranded on one of the worst college football teams of all time. Yes, while playing at Columbia, Shephard (well, Matthew Fox, but in my mind, they’re the same dude, just like we know that Khloe Kardashian is actually Hurley) was a member of a team that lost 44 straight games at one point. That’s a lot of losing. I guess the Smoke Monster must have played linebacker for Princeton. Who knows?

5 George H.W. Bush
Following his service in World War II, the elder Bush enrolled at Yale, where he soon found himself the captain of the baseball team. A left-handed hitting first baseman, Bush, Sr. found himself leading his team into appearances in the first two College World Series. Some historians speculate that this is where the first Gulf War actually began since everyone knows that Saddam Hussein was a flame-throwing pitcher for Harvard around that same time and a vicious bean-ball incident in 1947 triggered a massive brawl which saw Bush and Hussein wrestle on the pitcher’s mound until they were separated by teammates. Hostilities lingered for years. Some might call me a liar and note that Saddam was only ten years old in 1947, but what can I say? The man was a child genius, like Wormser in Revenge of the Nerds. And some might say that it was undignified for George Bush, distinguished war veteran and captain of the Yale baseball team, to brawl with a ten year old, but I say it just proves that patriotism runs deep and had his teammates just let him finish the job, we could have all avoided some nasty business years later.

4 Burt Reynolds
Long before he became the coolest dude alive, Burt Reynolds was a college football star at Florida State. Indeed, way back in the 1950’s, when Bobby Bowden was only in his third decade as Florida State head coach, Reynolds was a star halfback and the roommate of future ESPN analyst/weirdo/imbecile Lee Corso. Sometimes, I like to imagine a world in which Lee Corso went on to star in Gator and Smokey and the Bandit while Burt Reynolds went on to a career arguing with Kirk Herbstreit on ESPN. Okay, not really, but I’m definitely going to start thinking about it now. At the very least, I’m guessing Burt would have been fired once or twice for going on the air drunk, missing his pants. And he definitely would have been fired after sexually harassing Erin Andrews. I’m sure we can all agree on this. Also, you can now picture in your head Lee Corso making out with Sally Field and posing nude in Cosmo. You’re welcome.

3 Randy Savage
Did you know that the Macho Man, Randy Savage, played minor league baseball for four years? Ooooooooh yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhh! Ahem, sorry. I had to do it. Anyway, long before he was dropping elbows on Hulk Hogan and slapping around Miss Elizabeth, the Macho Man was a middling baseball prospect, signed by the St. Louis Cardinals out of high school. Over 4 seasons, Savage managed to hit .254 with 16 home runs and 66 RBI, so… yeah, maybe it was for the best that he went into another line of work. Then again, he’s dead now, just like 96% of the professional wrestlers from his generation (an exact scientific figure) so, uh, maybe not. After all, being a mediocre and alive baseball player is probably better than being a dead man best known for fighting other men in his underwear. Probably, anyway. Then again, it’s worked out okay for the Undertaker, so who knows?

2 Ed O’Neill
You bet your ass that Ed O’Neill is on this list. Not only did he score four touchdowns in a single game for Polk High as Al Bundy, he also was a star defensive lineman for Youngstown State in the 1960’s. He was good enough to even get signed by the Pittsburgh Steelers in 1969. Sure, they cut him during training camp but that’s all for the best. Otherwise we might have been robbed of the Al Bundy experience, and I for one shudder to think of what our culture would be like without institutions such as NO MA’AM or the inspirational Bundy creedo: “Hooters, hooters yum yum yum. Hooters, hooters, on a girl that’s dumb”, which has inspired many of the best and brightest of America’s young minds and which I understand is being considered for Illinois’ new state motto. So let’s all be thankful that Ed O’Neill’s football glory was confined to his college days and didn’t go any further. After all, scoring four touchdowns in a single game for Polk High means a hell of a lot more than winning Super Bowls with the Steelers, right? Right.

1 George S. Patton
That’s right, not only was George S. Patton a badass general who strangled Hitler with his own belt (If I remember my history correctly and I think I do.) he was a bona fide Olympic athlete. And not just any athlete, but a pentathlete. That means he competed in five different events in one race. Take that, you pansy Triathletes. During the 1912 Olympics in Stockholm, Patton finished fifth overall in the Pentathlon. He placed 20th in shooting, 7th out of 37 in the 300 Meter freestyle swimming, 4th in fencing, 6th in the cross-country steeplechase, and 3rd in the 5 Kilometer footrace. That means that he shot some guns, jumped in the water, swam faster than a bunch of Eurotrash, got out of the water, fought a dude with a sword, jumped on a horse and did some tricks before running a 5K. He then kept running all the way to Berlin where, as I said, he strangled Hitler with his own belt. Now that’s an Olympian. And that’s why, for badassery on the field of battle and on the field of play, General George S. Patton is number one on this list.

I thought since in the last week we’ve featured Kate Upton and Barbara Palvin it was only fair to also highlight some work of the other smoking hot amazingly-still-a-teen model Karlie Kloss. Unfortunately, despite being a featured model in the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show we still don’t have any fresh lingerie pics of Karlie so these fashion-y photos she did for Vogue Australia will have to suffice. At least there’s an armbra and some stomach action going on. Stupid fashion.