October 12, 2011 1:00 pm

Sara Leal, Ashton Kutcher’s alleged mistress, is not a very sympathetic figure

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Sara Leal, the woman who we are bring led to believe will mean the end of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore’s marriage, has decided that it would be a great idea if she sat down for a interviews with two different publications in which she talks about having sex with Kelso. Classy.

I suppose you could call me a cynic, actually go ahead, but for some reason I am not buying any of this. First, there have reports on and off through the years that Demi and Ashton can pretty much bang anyone they want whenever they want (Hollywood!) and second, with Ashton taking over this new gig on Two and a Half Men this all feels so similar to when naked pics are magically leaked to the Internet right around the releases of movies (Hollywood again!).

But that’s okay, I’ll play along. Here are a few of the morsels Ms. Leal dropped on us.

“He just came up and kissed me,” the Texas native tells Us of Kutcher’s first bold move in the wee hours; minutes later, Leal, Kutcher and another young woman were completely nude and in a hot tub on the balcony.

“I didn’t think it was out of the ordinary,” Leal admits. “I wasn’t self-conscious about getting naked.”

Sara added that it was all good because Ashton told her he was separated from Demi. (Wait… does that really work? *scribbles in secret notebook*)

Then, because she wouldn’t make as much money if she didn’t, she goes on to discuss the sex.

“He was good,” Leal reveals. “It wasn’t weird or perverted.” It also wasn’t 100 percent safe, either: Leal tells Us that Kutcher did not wear a condom during their one-on-one encounter.

I’m guessing she didn’t mind him not using a condom because he told her, “Don’t worry, baby. I’m sterile.” (Hey, the separated line worked, so what the hell?) Then they had sex again, after which Ashton dug really deep into his book of romance and told her, “I enjoy things like this because I’m an actor 90 percent of the time and it’s fake. It’s nice to have moments that are real.” Playa.

Leal also said that Ashton wanted to have a threesome with her and her friend, and that, “He had great endurance. We were up for a while. It was about two hours.”

Sara Leal, ladies and gentleman!