February 13, 2010 12:00 pm

This Week in Celebrity Gossip: Bar Re-FAIL-i

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Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

bar refaeli baby 630x874 This Week in Celebrity Gossip: Bar Re FAIL i

Bar Rafaeli was apparently pretty upset about losing this year’s Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover to Brooklyn Decker and decided the best way to react was to act like a four-year old who just got clothes for her birthday rather than a new Barbie doll.

Jennifer Ellison gave birth to a baby boy named Bobby, meaning we will finally have one of our favorite boobie models back in a few months as big and bouncy as ever.

Hugh Hefner will officially be single come March 11th. Though the Hef and his wife, Kimberly Hefner, had been separated since 1998, the divorce is just becoming legal. Yes, he has been sleeping around on her since 1998. Hef is the man.

Jennifer Garner made a dolphin orgasm. I guess dolphins really aren’t that different from humans. “I said to the trainer, ‘I think the dolphin just peed,’” she said. “He said, ‘No, ma’am, no.’”

Brittany Murphy’s husband Simon Monjack unveiled a wrongful-death suit as well as his late wife’s Hannibal Lecter photos. Yes, you read that right. According to Monjack, a movie studio “killed her” when it dismissed her from her duties in the Happy Feet sequel. Monjack topped that off by inexplicably releasing photos of the late actress in a Hannibal Lecter mask.

Tiger Woods’ Whore #1 Rachel Uchitel got hired by the TV show Extra. Uchitel “so impressed producers that she’s been offered a job as a special correspondent.”

Alec Baldwin was taken to Lenox Hill Hospital after his 14-year-old daughter, Ireland, called 911, claiming that the 30 Rock star was “unresponsive” in their West Side apartment. A law enforcement official told the AP that Baldwin and his young daughter had argued and she told 911 he had threatened to take pills.

This week John Mayer had this to say about having sex with Jessica Simpson, “Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just f—ing snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f— you, I would start selling all my sh-t just to keep f—ing you.’”

Heidi Montag wants to do Playboy again, only this time topless. “She could use the money, and she’s finally ready to pose topless, so she is negotiating with the magazine,” according to one of Montag’s friends.

Dethroned Miss California Carrie Prejean announced that she and semi-professional NFL quarterback Kyle Boller will be tying the knot. They apprently began dating during her whole anti-same-sex marriage lobbying, alleged sex tapes and a much-talked-about showdown with Larry King.

Jersey Shore’s Jenni “JWoww” Farley is planning another boob job to enhance her already enormous assets. “She wants to get it done as soon as possible to be ready for the new season.”

Khloe Kardashian (-Odom, don’t forget the Odom) wants to film herself masturbating. I guess she learned that sex sells from her sister. She added, “You know, I kind of like the idea of a sexy little video. I could be naughty.”

It was a close call, but the inaugural Celebrity Idiot of the Week for this week has to go to one Simon Monjack. Well done, Simon. You must be so proud.

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