Twitter Crazy: This week’s best celebrity tweets
If ESPN was airing the Golden Globes, they would have just cut to a live shot of Sal Paolantonio reporting from Greenpoint.
— Richard Deitsch (@richarddeitsch) January 14, 2013
“Sources say Jennifer Lawrence won an award.”
How the hell does Pete rose get a show before me
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 14, 2013
Karma?
Ben Affleck is a moronic large sweaty headed blowhard.
— Roseanne Barr (@TheRealRoseanne) January 14, 2013
But tell us how you really feel, Roseanne.
I am a handwriting analyst. Jack Lew’s handwriting shows, while strange, that he is very secretive—not necessarily a bad thing.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 14, 2013
He’s a handwriting analyst?
I’m glad Jodie Foster’s Golden Globes speech ended with applause and not with some dude flinging jizz at her.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) January 14, 2013
That could have been awkward.
Starbucks bathrooms are EXCLUSIVELY for terrible diarrhea, right?
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) January 14, 2013
Correct.
Gonna read over a script while scheduling a gyno visit…work and vagina play should ALWAYS go hand in hand
— Adrianne Curry (@AdrianneCurry) January 14, 2013
I couldn’t agree more.
I just can’t stop thinking about Jennifer Lawrence’s outfit last night. Her tits in that red dress were pointer than a KKK hat.
— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) January 14, 2013
Interesting comparison choice.
Ugh – NEVER going to a Ryan Gosling movie in a theater again. Apparently masturbating in the back row is still considered “inappropriate”
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) January 14, 2013
YOUR TWEET OF THE WEEK, FOLKS.
It’s awesome that the NRA is so gung-ho against violent video games they came out with their own shooting iOS app. Bravo. #slowclap
— Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) January 14, 2013
Self-awareness is not their strong point.
Stuff I don’t care about: Lance Armstrong, Oprah Winfrey, Lance Armstrong talking to Oprah Winfrey.
— Gregory Shane Helms (@ShaneHelmsCom) January 14, 2013
Hey, his list matches mine!
Crowds gathered in France to protest gay marriage. They believe marriage is between one man, one woman, and any number of mistresses.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) January 15, 2013
I think both are good.
I say Lance Armstrong stays on PEDs and starts a killer pedicab service.
— Tom Crabtree (@TCrabtree83) January 15, 2013
That’s called turning a negative into a positive.
I hope Oprah pulls an Oprah and gives Lance Armstrong a car so he has a way to get around now.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) January 15, 2013
That would have been perfect.
There is nothing in the world I find more mystifying or intimidating than a bidet.
— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) January 16, 2013
I could think of other things, but she has a point.
I hate growing up :( I want to just get my license & then I’m over this whole getting older thing
— Kylie Jenner (@KylieJenner) January 16, 2013
Luckily for her she’s in a family where she doesn’t have to.
. @oprah I’d like to introduce you to @mteo_5
— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) January 16, 2013
That’s an interview I might actually want to watch.
Let all of you who haven’t made up a lover be the ones to cast stones. Have you met my boyfriend, Mike? He’s an astronaut.
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) January 16, 2013
My girlfriend Irina Shayk could not agree more.
If only Lennay Kekua had a gun, she’d exist today. #nra4ever
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 16, 2013
Coming soon to a new NRA ad campaign.
Best news for Notre Dame fans? Manti Te’o fans instantly say it’s an Everett Golson jersey.
— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) January 16, 2013
That’s actually very convenient.
We should get the makers of the Tupac hologram on this Te’o thing.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) January 17, 2013
That would actually be a great comedy bit if Teo himself were involved.
I wonder who’s the one who had to explain what “catfishing” is to Regis Philbin.
— Rich Eisen (@richeisen) January 17, 2013
Would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that talk.
My dog is in the backyard eating dirt like a fucking idiot.
— Melissa Stetten(@MelissaStetten) January 17, 2013
That’s just funny.
Say what you will, he’s still the Lance Armstrong of dickheads.
— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers21) January 18, 2013
No matter what happens now he’ll always have that.
Wrap Up
THAT’S IT FOR THIS ONE. HOW ABOUT ANOTHER?
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