February 25, 2011 11:10 am

‘Two and a Half Men’ canceled after Charlie Sheen goes on epic rant

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Things just keep getting better in the world of Charlie Sheen. He really is living the life. If by living the life you mean calling radio shows and ranting about how much you hate your show’s creator, Chuck Lorre, among other things.

Says Charlie, “I violently hate Chaim Levine (Chuck Lorre). He’s a stupid, stupid little man and a p*ssy punk that I’d never want to be like. That’s me being polite.”

“All these guys told me to ‘clean it up.’ Well this is me cleaning it the f*ck up.”

“All I want is to bring my family together, and I have to deal with all this B.S. politics.”

“That piece of shit [Lorre] took money out of my pocket, my family’s pocket, and, most importantly, my second family — my crew’s pocket.”

And finally, “You can tell him [Lorre] one thing. I own him.”

If we only knew how Charlie really felt. But wait, he wasn’t done. Chuck also busted out his pen and wrote a letter with the eloquence of a man whose best friends are hookers, porn stars, and blow.

What does this say about Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me. I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows … I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can’t handle my power and can’t handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

Remember these are my people … not yours…we will continue on together…

Charlie Sheen

He also wants his fans to start a protest movement for him. Good luck with that. Maybe Mel Gibson can chair it for him.

Needless to say, CBS was not too pleased.

In the words of CBS and Warner Bros., due to the “totality of Charlie Sheen’s statements, conduct and condition,” production has ceased on the top-rated sitcom Two and a Half Men.

And yet after all of that, Charlie thinks that he can just take his talents and start a new show on HBO. Somehow I doubt that’s going to happen.

So what square would like in our Charlie Sheen Death Date Pool? And don’t forget to get the t-shirt while you’re here.

Charlie To ‘Men’ Creator: Let’s Fight in the Octagon! [TMZ]
Charlie Sheen RAGES in Open Letter [TMZ]
After Charlie Sheen’s Rant, CBS Pulls Plug on Two and a Half Men [Time]