Blazed Movie Reviews: ‘Expendables 2′

K. Thor Jensen Contributing Writer, Entertainment

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Lionsgate

I can’t smoke pot at home anymore because it’s Against The Law. So I do it at the movies. This week: Expendables 2.

Throughout this whole movie I had the post-sunglasses “YEAHHHHHHH!” from CSI: Miami in my head. It’s just that good. This is really the best movie of the year to see stoned. If you started smoking pot in the late 80s, early 90s you were probably up pretty late at night watching bad action movies on the USA Network. There’s just something intrinsically connected between absurd violence and getting high to me. Oh, and barely-concealed natural breasts, but that’s a topic for another day. I’m not talking about the big names with this, although Arnold and Sly sure had their share of stinkers. I’m talking about B-movie scumbags like Andy Sidaris who seemingly made a new flick every three weeks. Expendables 2 is like a love letter to that kind of crap, and I love it.

I have to say that the first Expendables was kind of a disappointment. It wanted to be taken seriously and you can’t take this kind of thing seriously. There was too much late-period Stallone pathos and not enough ludicrous set pieces and wisecracks. Thankfully the new one has no such obligations. Five minutes in there’s so much blood and cussing you know you’re in for a real treat. Instead of being all “THE WORLD HAS CHANGED,” it happily pretends that the world will never change. And it’s great.

This is a good dumb movie. Probably the best movie and the dumbest movie. Jean-Claude Van Damme is so good in this that he deserves some kind of award. Not an Oscar – I’m not that high – but something else cool. I wish there was more Jet Li in it but you can’t have everything. Totally go see this movie. Bring your kids. Make some kids after you see it. You’ll feel like a real man.

Disclaimer: I fixed all the typos and grammatical errors but left in everything else.