Blazed Movie Reviews: ‘The Bourne Legacy’
I can’t smoke pot at home anymore because I have kids and I’d like to keep them. So I do it at the movies instead. This week: it’s a Bourne movie with no Jason Bourne: The Bourne Legacy.
I like the Jason Bourne movies. He’s a cool guy who isn’t afraid of anything and travels around the world totally wrecking suckers. That’s a guy who is just so good at trashing people. All the amnesia and weird stuff sometimes got confusing but that’s OK. I mean, if you asked me now (now that I’m still high) to tell you the plots of the three movies I’d get them totally wrong. But that’s OK.
So the new movie is weird because Bourne isn’t in it. Instead there’s a new guy, Aaron Cross. He finds himself in a very Bourne-like situation where after the fallout from the last movie the CIA says it’s time to pull the plug on all of the creepy black ops stuff and, as a result of that, they need to kill all of the agents. Couldn’t they just, I dunno, brainwash them again and have them go work at Quizno’s? So this guy Cross is like Bourne in that the government put stuff in him and now he needs drugs to Be All He Can Be (cool message, bro).
So there’s a girl scientist that he protects in exchange for the drugs and Edward Norton (who owns) is the bad guy behind everything but really this thing is freaking CRAZY once it gets going. It starts off kind of slow but once Aaron Cross starts merking dudes he’s like a damn Tasmanian Devil or something.
One thing that kind of screwed me up when I was watching this was all the weird code names and secret groups and stuff. Like I know what Treadstone was, right, that was the group that messed with Bourne in the first place, but then you get Blackbriar and Outcome and like a million other things and I felt like I needed to look at Wikipedia halfway through the movie and real talk: you don’t want to look at Wikipedia when you’re high. That’s a rabbit hole you don’t escape from.
Disclaimer: I fixed all my typos and grammatical errors but left everything else in.