7 types of people who ruin watching a movie
Movie ticket prices have skyrocketed in the past few years and most people are forced to choose between buying a movie ticket or paying rent. Therefore when people go to the movies, they expect the story to be amazing, the popcorn to be artery-bursting buttered, and the audience to be quiet. However there are certain people out there that destroy the movie watching process.
Photo credit: City of Marietta, GA, Flickr
7 The Over-Reactor
If it’s funny, she’ll snort with laughter, if it’s sad she’ll sob and sniffle, and if it’s scary she’ll scream like she’s being skinned alive. No matter that the movie is about, the over-reactor will be so loud and so shocked by every plot twist, that you’ll miss half the movie just listening to her scream “No!” “You’re kidding me!” and “Oh lord, they’re all played by Tyler Perry.” Since the movie’s ruined from the Over-Reactor’s running commentary, make the experience worth it by throwing Raisinets at her for the rest of the movie.
6 The Sick Person
You would think that with the spread of swine flu people would stay home when they have the sniffles. But no, the sick person enters the theater with a box of tissues, a humidifier, and a hacking cough. Instead of watching the movie, you’re forced to spend the two hours wiping spittle off your face every time the sick person sneezes. Do yourself a favor and call the local health board to report a movie viewer with the bubonic plague. He’ll be hauled out of the theater just in time for you to see the out takes during the credits.
5 The Woman on her Cell Phone
Despite watching 16 “hilarious” don’t-use-your-cell-phone commercials before the previews, the woman on her cell phone doesn’t quite get the hint. She’ll talk on her phone right up until the movie starts and hang up with an extra loud “I’m in the movies, every one’s giving me the evil eye, gotta go.” However, once her mouth stops moving, her fingers start working. She types so fast that you’re not sure if she’s talking to friends or typing out the the sequel while she watches the movie. Either way, report her for pirating the movie.
4 The Family Date
Babies belong in a lot of places like strollers, cribs, and on the waiting list to be adopted by Madonna. However some parents didn’t get the memo and therefore think it’s perfectly appropriate to bring their nursing, crying, smelly baby to the movies. Not only do you feel awkward watching sex scenes next to an infant, but the parents are so into the movie that they can’t be bothered to get up and leave when the baby starts crying. Get the parents running out of the theater by asking to play with the baby. For some wacky reason people don’t like strangers touching their kids.
3 The Person with the Personal Story
Assuming you don’t live in a town with zombies, everyone in the theater is alive and has their own life experiences. Except the Person with a Personal Story has a life experience story for every single scene in the movie. Oh a character is in the shower? The personal story lady loudly whispers to a friend about one time when she was in the shower, her soap slipped. What? A bus goes by the camera. Personal story lady reminisces about her childhood memories on the school bus. Shut her up by using your most threatening voice and telling her if she doesn’t stop talking, you will kill her. Of course this could backfire if she has a story about someone in her past threatening to kill her.
2 Guy who goes to the bathroom 10 times
Any frequent moviegoer knows it’s important to not only go to the bathroom before the movie, but it’s also incredibly stupid to order one of the XXL drinks (kegs) from the concession stand. However the Bathroom Goer ignores all of this common sense and therefore needs to go the bathroom 10 times during the movie. And to add insult to injury he’s the kinda guy that can’t just squeeze through the aisle. He’ll sit smack dab in the middle and then make everyone else stand up when he has to go. The only fix for this problem is to write to your lawmakers and inform them of the importance of creating toilet-seat-movie seats.
1 The Loud Muncher
Most moviegoers try to be courteous about their snack and they’ll take extra effort to open up and eat their food quietly. However the chewing noises coming from the Loud Muncher make you wonder if they’re selling bricks at the concession stand. Every time he takes another bite, you get one day closer to going deaf. End this problem by accidentally swinging your hands and knocking all his food onto the ground. Unfortunately, this doesn’t always deter the Expert Loud Muncher who often times has no problems eating off the floor.