9 of the most clichéd rock stars ever
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9 of the most clichéd rock stars ever
You know what the world misses? Rock stars. I’m talking full-on, balls to the wall crazy rock stars, dudes who think they’re closer to gods than actual mortal men. Without them the world seems just a little bit sadder, doesn’t it? It is with that in mind that we bring you this, this celebration of that great rock-star cliché. Of course, not all of the dudes on this list are hotel room trashing drug-addled sex maniacs. After all, there are many different sides to the rock star cliché. But whatever their differences, the one thing the nine dudes on this list all have in common is that they are nine of the most clichéd rock stars of all time.
Photo credit: YouTube/Ozzy Osbourne -Neil Bulson
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9 David Lee Roth
How could a list like this exist without good ol’ Diamond Dave? He was the personification of the type of rock-star frontman that is about 98% show and 2% talent. He was the charismatic hype-man for Van Halen, the dude who played the clown and gyrated in spandex for the audience while Eddie Van Halen shredded the guitar. If you made a list of David Lee Roth’s top 10 priorities on any given night it would look a little something like this: 1. Get laid, 2. Get laid, 3. Get laid, 4. Get laid, 5. Smoke a joint, 6. Get laid, 7. Get laid, 8. Get laid, 9. Maybe sing for a few minutes, 10. Get laid while smoking a joint. Sex, drugs and rock and roll. That’s the cliché, and that cliché seems to be the foundation of David Lee Roth’s personal religion, and in that order too. Then of course there’s also the fact that he can’t get along with his fellow band members, a feud that has stretched over 30 years now, and when you add it all together you get almost the perfect rock star cliché.
Photo credit: YouTube/David Lee Roth
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8 Sid Vicious
Really, you could make a case for the entire Sex Pistols here, which is ironic given that their band is almost synonymous with punk rock, which at its core is all about going against the cliché. But if you were building the most clichéd punk-rock band of all time, wouldn’t it look exactly like the Sex Pistols? The attitude, the complete degeneracy, the manic vibe, the sense that it could all fall apart at any moment – it was all there. And Sid Vicious, the Sex Pistols guitarist – well sorta, I mean you and I could probably play the guitar better after drinking about fifteen beers - with his absolute self-destruction, fucked up relationship and extreme heroin addiction, is pretty much the archangel of that punk rock cliché. He was a living symbol of complete anarchy and in the end it both killed him and made him the rock god he would sneer at before jabbing the needle into his arm one more time.
Photo credit: YouTube/Sid Vicious
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7 Thom Yorke
What? Thom Yorke? The mopey dude from Radiohead? What in the hell is he doing here? Well, like I said in the intro, there are several different facets to the rock and roll cliché and while Yorke is pretty much the exact opposite of the party animal degenerate that most of the dudes on this list are, he represents that sort of self-loathing tortured artist cliché that is just a big a part of rock and roll as anything else. You can pretty much predict everything that Yorke is going to do before he even does it. He has a sort of love-hate relationship with his fans, best summed up by the anecdote that he used to hate it whenever they would sing along with him during concerts, he seems to hate all of his past songs, never wants to play them, and he’s constantly blurring the lines between music and discordant noise, almost as if he is daring people not to like him. It’s admittedly a blurring that often results in brilliance but you can’t deny the fact that Thom Yorke embraces the idea of being an anti-rock star, which these days is just about the most clichéd rock-star thing you can do.
Photo credit: YouTube/Radiohead
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6 Jimmy Page
Jimmy Page is the guitar rock legend, the living symbol of the silent rock god, standing on the side of the stage, destroying worlds with his guitar. He represents that almost mythic side of the rock-star cliché, that untouchable and unknowable immortal who melts your face and then bangs your girlfriend after the show while you sit outside hoping for not even an autograph but just a glimpse of your hero. It says something that the uber-cliched rock-god character of Russell Hammond in Almost Famous was at least partially inspired by Page. He’s what people see when they close their eyes and think of a rock star.
Photo credit: YouTube/Jimmy Page
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5 Tommy Lee
Just like with the Sex Pistols, Mötley Crüe as a whole could be on this list. No band in history had a bigger reputation for utter degeneracy than the Crüe. But out of all of them, Tommy Lee is the most infamous. He was the one who banged Pamela Anderson on camera, he is the one who remained in the headlines even after the band stopped ruling the charts, and he, more than anyone else, is the dude people think of when they think of Mötley Crüe. Say you were judging the people on this list like they were figure skaters or something on a ten point scale (stay with me here) – in the sex category of the sex, drugs and rock and roll cliché, Tommy would get an easy ten. In the drugs category? Hell, he’d get an eleven. In the rock and roll category? Well, that all depends I guess on whether or not you like Mötley Crüe. But there can be no denying that Tommy Lee lived that cliché to the fullest, and hey, he’s still get some time left so who knows? Maybe one day he’ll be sitting at number one on this list.
Photo credit: YouTube/Mötley Crüe
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4 Ozzy Osbourne
Let’s face it – you knew Ozzy was showing up on this list at some point. In fact, once you get near the end here, pretty much any of these dudes could be number one on this list. Ozzy certainly has a strong case. No one in rock history personifies the whole out of control wild man than Ozzy. His, uh, let’s call them consumption issues are legendary. It seems like every other rock star has an Ozzy story, a story about him snorting ants or pissing on the Alamo or setting shit on fire or whatever the hell you can imagine. Even getting clean is sort of a rock-star cliché and Ozzy was one of the first to take that plunge. Hell, even the embarrassing reality show kind of played into the cliché, didn’t it? He’s the addled and insane rock god, worshipped even as he makes an ass out of himself for our amusement. It’s impossible not to love Ozzy, and people love him because he has lived that rock and roll cliché perhaps more than anyone and yet he’s still here. Ozzy is Ozzy, and really, nothing else needs to be said.
Photo credit: YouTube/Ozzy Osbourne
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3 Kurt Cobain
Whoa, whoa, whoa… what in the hell is Kurt Cobain doing on a list of the most cliched rock stars? After all, wasn’t Cobain’s whole thing not being a rock star? Well yeah, and that’s why he’s on this list. Because, like Thom Yorke, at some point trying so hard to not be a rock star is just as clichéd as actually being one. But beyond that image, if you really think about it, how was Cobain really that different than anyone else on this list? He carefully cultivated an image that became larger than life, an image that was the personification of an entire rock movement, an entire decade. And then there was the lifestyle. Really, how was Cobain all that different from, say, Sid Vicious? He had a famous and tumultuous relationship with Courtney Love, who herself almost worshipped Sid Vicious and his girlfriend Nancy Spungen. It almost seemed like Kurt and Courtney were creepily trying to emulate the story of Sid and Nancy. And the whole time, Kurt was swimming in the deep end of that most clichéd of rock-star clichés – the heroin addiction. And then when it all became too much for him, he did the most rock star thing of all and blew his own head off. Say what you will about Kurt Cobain, but you simply cannot argue with the facts and the facts are that Kurt Cobain was, ironically, one of the most clichéd rock stars of all.
Photo credit: YouTube/Nirvana
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2 Axl Rose
If Kurt Cobain was the personification of the anti-rock star cliché, then Axl Rose is the personification of the other side, the bloated rock god, tempestuous and self-absorbed. Axl Rose almost seems like he was created in a lab by people trying to create the perfect rock and roll asshole. The only cliché – the only one – that he didn’t live up to was the whole drug thing. He left that to the other members of Guns N' Roses. But as for everything else – the ridiculous self-aggrandizement, the tortured artist bullshit, the I hate the fans and they hate me bluster, the absurdly overwrought and over-budgeted music videos, the entourage, the whole theatrical production of it all, everything – Axl is and was and always will be everything that people think of when they think of rock and roll, both the good and the bad. He is the whole damn package rolled up into one half-insane, wildly talented dude. He will captivate you with his charisma and magnetism and then he will try to fight you for no reason. He will bang famous hot chicks and then he’ll be caught on camera throwing their clothes out the window. He will spend all of his time obsessing over every little detail of his music while feuding with his entire band. Axl Rose is the rock and roll cliché.
Photo credit: YouTube/Guns N' Roses
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1 Jim Morrison
Jim Morrison pretty much created the whole rock god image. He was the first to really embrace the cliché, the out of control degenerate with the tortured soul who just wanted to get drunk and whip his dick out on stage in between rambling poetry screeds. Pretty much every clichéd rock and roll dude who has come after has been basically trying to emulate – either consciously or subconsciously – what Jim Morrison did. He turned his back on the audience – literally – while he played, he drank himself into oblivion, he turned his body into a goddamn drug farm and he banged every groupie he could find. Jim Morrison was such a rock and roll cliché that it killed him. It consumed him completely, became who he was, and with all of that said, how could anyone else possibly be number one on this list?
Photo credit: YouTube/The Doors
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