The 6 worst Christian bands of all-time

Outside of the chapel, Christian music doesn’t earn a whole lot of respect. While there is a handful of talented artists out there who happen to be devout Christians (Sufjan Stevens, and…um, well that’s about it), the sad fact is that many Christian musicians spend too much time praying and not enough time practicing their instruments. Of all the laughable Christian music acts in history, here are the six worst.

6 dc Talk – Jesus is Just Alright With Me
The Christian trio dc Talk is one of the most successful Christian music groups of the past few decades. In fact, four of their studio albums have won a Grammy Award for Best Rock Gospel Album. Sadly, when you listen to such hip-hop inspired songs as “Word 2 the Father” and “Jesus Freak,” you realize that it’s not talent that is winning them awards, but rather a lack of competition. Check out the music video for their classic song, “Jesus is Just Alright With Me” below:

5 The Firefighters
There’s not much information out there on the 80s Christian rap duo, The Fighfighters. Mostly, this is because they sucked so bad that not even the Christian community embraced their music. Luckily, a fan’s MySpace music page preserves their lame-ness for all of us to enjoy. As the fan states: “Years before Run DMC became 1/3 preacher and Jesus walked with Kanye West, The Firefighters were keeping it real. Real Christian!” No video, but if you really want to give them a listen, by all means head over to their MySpace page to listen to such abominations as “God Made Sex.”

4 Jason & deMarco
Jason and deMarco bill themselves as a gay Christian musical duo. Not only are the two musical partners, they are also partners in life. They’ve become spokespeople of sort for the LGBT Christian community, which is admirable I suppose. However, when you hear their music and watch their videos, it’s incredibly hard not to laugh. Apparently, cheese-ball lyrics and cliché “artistic” music video choices transcend sexuality for the entire Christian music community. If you want to see two gay Christians kiss, watch the video below:

3 Lust Control
Lust Control was a Christian thrash band that formed in 1988. Unlike the other groups on this list, Lust Control didn’t take themselves seriously, which helps keep them from claiming the number one spot on the list. However, just because they were in on the joke, that doesn’t mean their music was any less terrible. The group sang explicitly (for a Christian group) about such topics as abstinence, sex education and the dangers of pornography. Listen to their anti-masturbation jam, “The Big M” below:

2 Stryper
Stryper can be attributed (or blamed) for helping bring Christian rock into the mainstream. This 80s hair metal band enjoyed a fair deal of success with such rock classics as “To Hell With the Devil” and “(Waiting For) a Love That’s Real.” Sadly, a move in the 90s to distance themselves from their Christian roots resulted in alienation of their core Christian fan base. As the novelty of the glam rock fad began to wane, so too did the group’s relevance.

1 Creed
Search Google for “Worst Band in the World,” and guess who pops up? Even though Creed doesn’t like to promote themselves as a Christian band, but they obviously are. How this watered-down abomination of uplifting rock ever got so popular is beyond me, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Scott Stapp’s mouth-full-of-marbles singing hasn’t been the direct cause of at least a few suicides. If you feel like torturing yourself, check out one of the worst songs in the history of time below:

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