So Spider-Man is dead or something

K. Thor Jensen Contributing Writer, Entertainment

spider man So Spider Man is dead or something

Marvel Comics

Don’t people in comic books die all the time? Why is this news? Spoilers for Amazing Spider-Man issue #700 have been floating around on the Internet for like a million years, but now the actual comic is out and we can talk about it without getting lawyers pissed off at us. Since this is apparently a Big Deal in the deathly silent post-Christmas news lull, why don’t we talk about it?

A few issues ago, the shocking revelation was made that long-time villain Dr. Octopus (who was on the brink of death after receiving so many brutal ass-whippings) had switched brains with Peter Parker and was now running around as Spider-Man. Meanwhile, Parker was trapped in Octopus’s rapidly-decaying body. Of course, our hero would find a way out of this and put everybody’s brains back in the right place, right?

Wrong. Issue #700 climaxed with Peter confronting Octopus and getting viciously beaten down for his troubles. In a last-ditch attempt, Parker zaps the villain through their mental connection with all of his memories, essentially rewriting the history of Peter Parker with Otto Octavius in his place. You know, the whole “with great power comes great responsibility” thing. And then Parker (in Octopus’s body) dies. Read the end of the issue here.

What this means is now Otto Octavius in Peter Parker’s body with all of Peter Parker’s memories as well as his own memories is the new Spider-Man. Octopus’s overwhelming psychopathy is tamped down by Parker’s innate goodness, but he’s still kind of a smug dick. The most upsetting part of the whole deal, though, involves Peter Parker’s withered, aged Aunt May. If you’ve been reading Spider-Man for as long as I have, you’ll remember that Doc Ock has always had a boner for May Parker, even going so far as to almost marry her once. Now that he’s in her nephew’s body, will he still carry a torch for her? This is Extreme Cougar Wives material and I’m not looking forward to it.

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