‘Game of Thrones’ Season 2, Episode 6 recap

Jordan Hoffman

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“Gods help you, Theon Greyjoy. Now you are truly lost.” – Rodrik Cassel, about to prove that there is no expiration date on vengeance in Westeros. By getting his head chopped off.

Last week’s episode of Game of Thrones opened with the slaying of Renly Baratheon. There’s a death in the first few minutes of this week’s, too, and while it isn’t a major player, it’s at least a quite horrific display of violence.

As I speculated in my previous recap, the trouble heard over at Torrhen’s Square in Winterfell was not a vanguard of the Lannister army, but a breakaway band from the Iron Islands led by Theon Greyjoy. He quickly marches his motley band to House Stark and busts in on young, lame Bran. He demands that he, as Lord of Winterfell, bend the knee. If not, he will start busting heads.

Bran, who has long looked to Theon as a brother (or at least a close cousin) refuses at first, but soon recognizes Greyjoy means business. “Didja hate us the whole time?” he asks. It’s hard to read Greyjoy’s face.

In the main square Theon starts strutting his stuff, demanding to be addressed with a noble title. He forces Maester Luwin to send ravens announcing his triumph and rebuffs former Wildling (now Stark servant) Osha when she begs to be his personal servant. Trouble comes when Rodrik bursts in, basically shouting WTF?!? Greyjoy, demanding fealty and getting none, sentences him to the dungeons. Greyjoy’s second-in-command (Dagmer Cleftjaw) reminds him that the code of the Iron Islands demands that an insubordinate be murdered.

There is hesitation in his eyes, but Greyjoy takes out his sword and chops off his head. And it’s gross. His sword kinda gets stuck in Rodrik’s neck and he has to finish the decapitation with his boot. Cable!

Greyjoy, however, is now a full-blown enemy of the Starks.

Nutty things are happening in the Capital, too. Young Myrcella (the Queen’s daughter) is being shipped off to Dorne to get married. Cersei is devastated, and says some pretty nasty things to Tyrion – nasty even by Lannister standards.

On the way back to the palace, the natives get restless, booing King Joffrey and the rest of the court. He gets hit in the face with a ball of mud (or is it shit? please let it be shit) and he goes ballistic, ordering everyone killed. Next thing you know, a riot breaks out. Amid pandemonium all get to safety except for Sansa. She is dragged off somewhere by a gang of disgusting peasants drawing straws to see who can rape her first.

Tyrion demands Joffrey send The Hound out to get her, and he gets all hissy. Once again the Imp whaps the spoiled brat across the face (can’t wait for the viral vids of that) and he sulks away before giving the order. The Hound, either out of goodness or because he realizes that Sansa is, indeed, a useful bargaining chip with the Starks, goes to rescue her.

Seriously, I could watch this face get smacked for hours.

Not to give too much away, but he basically rips out the entrails of the would-be rapists. It’s a Tom Savini moment in King’s Landing.

Across the seas in Qarth, Daenerys Targaryen is still being ushered around town by the noble tycoon Xaro Xhoan Daxos. He’s itching to marry her, which she should totally do so she could have the full name of Khaleesi Daenerys Stormborn Targaryen Drogo Xhoan Daxos. It would be, and I say this after careful consideration, the coolest thing in the history of time.

They meet the Spice King of Qarth, hoping to bargain for a ship. He politely reminds her that to simply sail into King’s Landing hoping for throngs of admirers is ridiculous, even if she is a true heir to the throne, or a natural born leader or the Mother of Dragons. The Khaleesi doesn’t take this rebuke kindly (“I am no ordinary woman! My dreams come true!”), but there really ain’t much that can be done.

Up North we meet with Jon Snow and his new comrades led by Qhorin Halfhand. They are on the lookout for Wildlings. (I admit, I kinda forget why… because of the zombie that attacked them at the wall?)

They find one, and are ready to kill, when they discover… it’s a woman. (Whaaaaaaat?) Jon Snow wants to prove himself a true badass, so he will execute her. The others decide to go take a cigarette break or something and, wouldn’t'cha know it, he just can’t do the dead. She runs off, he follows suit, they slide down a hill. When he tackles her she reminds him that he is now lost and it is getting dark.

They team up against the cold and eventually huddle up to prepare for sleep. They speak with faraway eyes and are clearly falling in love. Snow has taken an oath of celibacy, remember, so all the wiggling of her arse she does to “get comfortable” causes Mr. Snow to melt a little bit.

The wildling likes to do the wild thing.

Some shenanigans are happening over in Harrenhall, too. Arya stark, still fetching wine for Tywin Lannister, is gaining his approval more and more. It’s only a matter of time before he starts running his battle plans past her. Arya, a Dire Wolf through and through, will surely stay true to the North, but fatherly approval is something she desperately needs. I don’t know if Westeros has any realm called Stockholm, but they definitely have a Stockholm Syndrome.

Things really get tricky when who should show up but Petr “Littlefinger” Baelish. He’s there to brief Tywin on the rumors about Renly Baratheon’s death (the misty vagina monster, in case you forgot). Despite trying to serve him wine without showing her face, Baelish sees Arya. But does he know who she is? We’re not sure. (My wife says definitely yes. I’m not yet sold.)

One person does know something’s fishy, Tywin’s aide-de-camp who catches her clutching a scroll with troop information in it. He rushes off to rat her out so she acts quickly – she finds Jaqen, the former prisoner/now Lannister guard who still owes her “two deaths.” The old dude is about to burst in on Tywin when he falls over with a dart in his neck.

So Arya Stark isn’t just killing for justice and revenge, but for convenience. Oh, these kids grow up so fast!

Meet Jaqen H'ghar – a handsome symbol of lost innocence.

Back in Winterfell Osha the servant girl gets naked (finally, someone gets naked!) and tells Greyjoy that, as a Wildling, she has some savage tricks up her sleeve (even though she is wearing no sleeve). Once he’s asleep she ushers the Stark children out of town, ostensibly up North.

The episode ends with Shae helping Sansa lick her wounds (and guiltily urging her to never trust anyone) followed by a quick trip back to Qarth. It wasn’t just the Spice King who slammed a door in her face, but the Silk King and the Copper King. (I guess if I lived in Qarth I’d be the TV Show Blabber King.) She and XXD come back to their rooms to discover all the hot handmaidens are dead and… more importantly her DRAGONS ARE MISSING.

Another juicy episode, with characters positioning themselves in unpredictable places on the chessboard. I give this one 8 Difficult Decapitations Out Of 10.

Photos courtesy of HBO