Guyism’s Bar Rescue drinking game V 2.0

Chris Spags Founder and Editor

bar rescue drinking game1 Guyisms Bar Rescue drinking game V 2.0

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This Sunday, a new season of Bar Rescue airs on Spike TV. It’s a breath of fresh air on reality TV and, more than that, it lends itself to an AMAZING (potentially life-ruining) drinking game.

But before we get to our new and improved Bar Rescue drinking game — we even incorporated some of the suggestions from visitors on our initial version — let’s cover some background for the newbies to the magic and wonder of the show.

The show follows Jon Taffer, a veteran of the bar and nightlife scene for over 30 years. And while the show employs every filthy reality TV gimmick — endless shouting, avoidable drama, and even a remodel each episode — the show just works.

Taffer in particular is a highlight. Watch any episode and you’ll be enthralled by how quickly Taffer goes from raging lunatic to caring father figure, often in mere seconds. This clip of an altercation with Ami, a surly Israeli bar owner in Denver, is a perfect example of the former:

There are even actual moments of “bar science.” Example: Did you know that bars often put a box around certain menu items on their menu? The reason is because those items draw your eye and are typically the item with the highest profit margin on the menu.

Point being: It’s the perfect entertainment for a rainy day. All of the episodes are even online for binge watching convenience.

But how can you make something already good even better? By adding in our amazing Bar Rescue drinking game, of course.

During a brainstorm session over this holiday weekend, with the help of some friends, I created the perfect Bar Rescue drinking game. Take a gander.

The Bar Rescue Drinking Game

Jon Taffer actions

Jon Taffer screams: Sip
Jon Taffer mentions “My friends” at ___ company providing a product: Swig
Jon Taffer mentions how much experience he has: 2 Swigs
Jon Taffer’s hot wife makes an appearance: Swig
Jon Taffer has an expert for the episode that’s not a mixologist or cook: Finish beer
Jon Taffer makes owners do something to improve lives (i.e. rehab, confronting demons): Finish beer
Jon Taffer threatens to not come back: Swig
Jon Taffer asks employees how they feel about owner behavior: Sip
Jon Taffer screams “Clean this place up!”: Swig
Jon Taffer shuts down the “Stress Test” prematurely: Swig
Jon Taffer discusses an area’s income or demographics: Sip
Jon Taffer says “I don’t know if I can/will/want to rescue this bar!”: Finish Beer
Jon Taffer cites his wife or daughter’s safety as a reason for yelling at bar employees: Swig
Jon Taffer declares something “The worst ______ he’s ever seen”: Swig

About the Bar

Bar is dirty: Sip for each dirty thing
Incompetent/malicious employee appears: Swig
Hispanic kitchen worker: Swig
Competent kitchen worker: Finish beer
Imply owner is sleeping with employees or customers: Finish beer
One employee throws another under the bus: Swig
Bar owner complains about Jon: Swig
Bugs/roaches/vermin in the bar: Swig
Attractive/busty waitstaff: Swig on first appearance
Owner performs (magic tricks, comedy, music, etc): 2 Swigs
Owner is enabler of employees’ bad habits: 2 Swigs
If the bar does well on its “Stress Test”: Finish beer
An animal or automobile is brought inside of the bar: Finish beer
The bar features an awful gimmick that the owner thinks is brilliant: 2 Swigs
Bar features the name “Grill” in its new or old name: Swig
Bar owners more focused on getting drunk than running a business: 2 Swigs
An employee walks out while/after being confronted by Jon or his team: Finish Beer

Et cetera

Product placement: Swig for each appearance
Maps showing the neighborhood and competing bars appear: Swig
Lighting the alcohol bottles as part of the renovation: Swig
Highest profit margin food items boxed on menu: Swig
Mixologist with shaved head or pudgy chef Brian Duffy appears: 2 Swigs
If one of Jon Taffer’s team is a hot girl: Swig
Palpable sexual tension between a bar employee and one of Jon Taffer’s team: Finish beer
They install a tap that’s not for beer (i.e. mixed drinks, shots, etc): 2 Swigs
A POS system is installed in the bar: Swig
New name features the phrase “bar and grill” Swig
Menu becomes BBQ and/or Mexican: 2 Swigs
Bar science discussed with helpful graphic: Swig
The term “Butt Funnel” (or its cousin, the Super Butt Funnel) is referenced: Finish beer

And, lastly…

Google the new bar’s name after the episode ends; if it’s closed or turned back to original name: Finish beer

And there you have it. The perfect drinking game for the most perfect reality show. Did we miss anything? Leave a comment and, if it’s good, we’ll update the article with your suggestion.

New episodes of Bar Rescue air weekly on SpikeTV, Sundays at 10PM.

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