The 14 most awesome fake products from The Simpsons
Jeff Wysaski
Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d start taking some time on the weekends to share some classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.
Over the past 20 years, the world revolving around 742 Evergreen Terrace has played home to a slew of hilariously ridiculous fake products. Though I could never name them all, here are 14 of the most awesome fake Simpsons products of all time:
14 Uncle Jim’s Country Fillin
The episode in which Homer purposely gains weight to go on disability was a goldmine for fake grocery store items. Uncle Jim’s Country Fillin is the topper to a montage scene of Bart and Homer piling calorie-heavy food items into their grocery cart. As the packaging says, “just Squeeze-n-Swallow.”
13 Chippos
Chippos – potato chips with a hippopotamus mascot – have made an appearance in several episodes. Of all the products on this list, Chippos have most affected me – I use the term as an interchangeable catch-all when referring to any kind of real-word potato chip. I.E. instead of saying “we’re out of chips,” I might say “we’re out of Chippos.” (Pretty cool, right?).
12 Hamburger Earmuffs
Professor Frink’s wacky inventions have always been a good source of humor. One of my favorites is the entirely practical hamburger earmuffs. Other Frink inventions include the sarcasm detector, runaway house, mood pants and radio-controlled airplane for babies.
11 TUBBB!
Another food item from Homer’s disability episode. In the DVD commentary, viewers are informed that the writers imagined this product to be nothing but the white cream filling from Oreos.
10 Malk
Along with school lunches made from recycled gym mats (“there’s very little meat in these gym mats”), the Springfield kids get to wash it all down with Malk (now with vitamin R).
9 Krusty Home Pregnancy Test
Krusty’s low standards for product endorsement have resulted in a slew of hilarious products. One of the best is the Krusty Home Pregnancy Test (Warning: May cause birth defects).
8 Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel
Another classic Krusty product. Swap your traditional gruel out for this imitation with confidence. As the tagline suggests: “9 out of 10 orphans can’t tell the difference.” Other products that have received the Krusty brand seal of approval include Krusty’s Sulfuric Acid, Krusty Non-Toxic Kologne, Lady Krusty Moustache Removal and Krusty’s partially gelatinated, non-dairy gum-based beverages.
7 Kentucky Fried Panda
As Homer says, “It’s finger Ling-Ling good.” KFP is just one of many hilarious restaurant titles from The Simpsons. Others include The Buzzing Sign Diner, DimWillies, The Hungry Nun, Taj Mah-All-You-Can-Eat and Professor P.J. Cornucopia’s Fantastic Foodmagorium and Great American Steakery.
6 Cheezus H. Rice
Yet another vaguely edible but fantastically-named product gorged on by Homer during his pursuit of weight gain.
5 Skittlebrau
There’s no Simpsonized image for this beautiful concoction because, sadly, it doesn’t even exist in the world of Springfield. As the dialogue goes:
Homer: I’m feeling kinda low, Apu. Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a product does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Then just give me a six-pack and a couple of packets of Skittles.
4 Nuts and Gum (together at last)
How would such an awful combination ever be put in one can? Right before pulling this product out of the pantry, Homer explains, “I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.”
3 Strawberrito
One of the ingenious products offered at the Kwik-E-Mart. Other famous products peddled by Apu include expired meat and the champagne Squishee.
2 Big Book of British Smiles
This teaching aid is on hand at a Springfield dentist’s office to scare children into brushing their teeth. The book is so successful that it brings poor Ralph Wiggum to tears.
1 Homer’s Patented, Space-Age, Out-of-this-World Moon Waffles
While the rest of the family is suffering at church, Homer revels in some alone time by fixing this gluttonous breakfast. Unlike most of the products on this list, you can actually make this dream food at home – simply combine caramel, waffle mix and liquid smoke in a waffle iron, then wrap it all up in a full stick of butter and enjoy!
– Thanks to nohomers.net and snpp.com for jogging my memory on some of these
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