“Victoria’s Secret was my absolutely biggest goal in life, and it was all I ever wanted career-wise. I actually loved it while I was there, it was so much fun and I had a blast.

But the more I was modeling lingerie, and lingerie isn’t clothing, I just started becoming more uncomfortable with it because of my faith.”

And she thought that by getting the gig working for Victoria’s Secret she’d be modeling, what, parkas and overalls?

Going on to say that it made her uncomfortable getting nearly naked, not only because she wasn’t setting a good example for other Christians, but because her hot body should be for her husband’s eyes only!

“My body should only be for my husband and it’s just a sacred thing,” she explained.

Fine. Whatever…

While this is a loss to men everywhere, January of 2010 was the last time I shared any photos of her so I doubt we’ll miss her that much. That being said, here’s a little of what we won’t be seeing.

Christian Model Quits Victoria’s Secret: ‘My Body Should Only Be For My Husband’ [Radar]

6 Real People with Mind-Blowing Mutant Superpowers

We’ve all dreamed of having superpowers at some point (today), but the majority of us have to accept the sobering reality that preternatural abilities simply aren’t possible. That is, except for some rare cases of real, actual people with bona fide powers that defy explanation.

Single or Double Ply? — Here’s a new one: a woman had sex with a man for $25 worth of toilet paper. Of course, she claimed she wasn’t a prostitute.

Always Sunny — The Phoenix Suns record may not be all that great this season, but if there’s one thing to still be excited about in desert, it’s the Phoenix Suns Dancers.

Take Your Pick: Lauren, Dominique, or Arianny??

    

Strong Opposition — Gay people getting married has been a real hot button issue over the last year. The reasons to oppose gay marriage are plentiful, but the problem is you’ve probably only heard the bad ones. Here are five that make a lot more sense.

Undeniable — Even in a bathrobe, Sofia Vergara is still sexy. … Speaking of still sexy, here’s 100 pictures of new Patriots receivers coach Gisele Bundchen. … And here’s a lady who might not come to mind right away when you think of sexy but really should: Alison Haislip, who stars in a upcoming new show on Hulu.

Jessica Burciaga in a New Stop Motion Video

The kids over at Kaloopy Media have put together yet another sexy stop-motion video for our viewing pleasure. This time around they grabbed former Playboy Playmate Jessica Burciaga and put her to work.

Things escalated when the mother of a Santa Maria player darted onto the court to confront the referee.

The mother was escorted out of the gym by school security, but in a matter of minutes players, parents and students rushed the court in a full on fist fight.

Police say they are sorting through several statements to determine who will be charged with assault and/or disorderly conduct since several punches were thrown.

Yes, if you must know, I’ve created a nickname for this infamous brawl. Because of the school’s religious affiliation, it will now be referred to as the “Malice at the Chalice.”

By the way, police are still looking for video of the fisticuffs to identify participants. So yes, if you were there, send police what you have. Then, send it to me so we can properly award the 2012 “Dad of the Year.”

It’s only February but good ol’ Juan Doe here has a fighting chance for the title.

They’ve made soufflé from Skyrim and a cake from Minecraft. What’s next? How about that drink replenishes Link’s hearts in all his adventures? The fact that it’s semi-topical, with Valentine’s around the corner, is all the better…

So it’s basically sangria. In fancy, Legend of Zelda-like bottles. Fair enough.

Unfortunately, I’ve never been a fan of the stuff. But that’s mostly due to only have the kind that a former roommate of mine created, and it sucked. She also tried making mojitos out of sake, which should tell you what an epic fail her skills were when it came to creating drinks.

I have been trumpeting the talents of Catrinel Menghia for months now and was finally vindicated when she appeared in arguably the sexiest Super Bowl commercial ever on Sunday trying to sell cars for Fiat. Now we get more reasons why I still think she was robbed in the Sports Illustrated model search last year as she did another smoking hot photo shoot for Lise Charmel. And in case you missed that ad or like me just want to see it again, here you go…

(She’s Romanian by the way, not Italian, what an actress.)

In related news, this kid is really smart because his suit really distracts you from how horrible he is at life. Normally you’d associate what this kid is doing with someone of a far lesser social class. But he’s wearing that suit so, obviously, he’s a gentleman through and through. A gentleman covered in paint and pepper spray with ruptured testicles, but a gentleman all the same.

Early Bird Special [The Daily What]

Each year, the recipe is tweaked ever so slightly, to allow the brewers to play with different malt and hop varieties. “For 2012, we made a deliberate effort to move away from the English hop influence of the past few years,” explains Brewmaster Mitch Steele. “We took out the East Kent Golding hops and used a blend of American Chinook, Calypso and Cascade, which gave strong hints of grapefruit and pine to the aroma and flavor.”

Stone Old Guardian Barley WineStats: 11% abv, 85 IBUs
Availability: Limited 22oz bottles & draft, beginning February 13th
Malt bill: Pale Malt, Maris Otter Crystal Malt
Hops bill: Warrior for bittering, Chinook, Calypso, and Cascade for aroma and flavor
Distribution: AK, AZ, CA, CO, CT, DE, FL, GA, ID, IL, IN, KY, LA, MA, MD, ME, MI, MN, MO, MT, NC, NH, NJ, NM, NV, NY, OH, OR, PA, RI, SC, TN, TX, VA, VT, WA

Tasting notes, provided by Brewmaster Mitch SteeleAppearance: Deep amber, with a slight haze and a creamy tan head.

Aroma: A blend of bready yeast esters, toffee malt flavors and citrusy hops. Allowing the beer to warm to ~50°-55°F really allows the malt and hop character to come through.

Taste: Flavor is rich and malty, with a pronounced yeasty ester profile and tropical fruit hop flavors. Rich and smooth up front, at mid-palate the beer transitions to a pleasant dryness and lingering hop bitterness on the finish.

Overall: We make small adjustments to the recipe every year, just a little bit…as it provides an opportunity to try some different hops or malts. For the 2012 release, we used a blend of American Chinook, Calypso and Cascade hops, which marked the first use of Cascade in one of our special release beers. We also bumped up the Maris Otter crystal malt by a mere 0.5%, and it’s amazing how much of a difference it made in the color and the upfront body. All in all, it’s resulted in a well-rounded beer that is ready to drink now, or can be aged at cellar temperatures for many years. (If you can wait that long.)

Suggested pairings, provided by “Dr.” Bill SysakMain Course: Beef carbonnade, braised lamb and wild game, cassoulet, portobello burgers
Dessert: Apple pie, pecan shortbread, sticky toffee pudding, Fig Newtons
Cheeses: Aged English Cheddar, Stilton, Gorgonzola
Cigars: Dunhill Signed Range Toro, Don Pepín Garcia Lancero, Illusione #888 Churchill

via Stone

So the PlayStation Vita is almost here, but many are waiting for a slimmer model? But will there actually be one? Well, I’m still waiting for the 3DS to be redesigned, but it’s still a safe bet that a reworked Vita will arrive eventually. Why? Because history says so, but there’s other clues to be found.

To be honest, the following starts out rather weak, but stick with it, because the ending is simply classic…

Bonus video time: behold Mega 64′s take on everyone’s recent love for off-site storage, The Cloud…

This is so alarmingly unfunny and racially insensitive that it has to be some sort of double reverse flip troll or something. Are we the ones who are the racists? Do black people actually exist? Who am I supposed to thank for the many uses of peanuts?

He’s like a young Andy Kaufman, only with tastelessness and shoddy face paint in lieu of talent.

Guy In Blackface Asks Brigham Young Students About Black History Month [Buzzfeed]

Jamie Moyer, 49, is not ready to call it quits as a MLB pitcher. On January 18th, he signed a minor-league deal with the Colorado Rockies in the hopes of making a comeback from Tommy John surgery. Oddly enough, the Rockies did not even exist when Moyer started his major league career during the Reagan administration.

With some uncertainty as to where his career is going, Moyer is finally unloading his Seattle home, a place he has held on to for over a decade.

Some features of the luxurious estate:

-7 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
-7100 square feet
-oak floors and coved ceilings
-theater room
-updated modern kitchen
-outdoor pool
-Rv/boat parking

Veteran MLB Pitcher Jamie Moyer Lists Seattle, Washington Tudor [Realtor.com]

And even better, it comes with GPS capability!

The “thing” in question is the Pentax Optio WG-2, an update of last year’s WG-1. Imaging-wise, it’s nothing earthshaking: a 16 megapixel backlit CMOS sensor, a reasonably large LCD screen for framing photos, and a 30fps 1080p video mode. It also has micro-HDMI to share videos directly, which is a nice touch. The GPS mode, which tags coordinates to your photos, is also handy, especially if you’re not completely sure where you are: it won’t guide you out of the woods, but it will help you find that great trail again if you know where to look.

But the interesting part is the abuse this camera can take. First of all, it’s dustproof, which is a must. It’s shock-resistant, which isn’t quite shock-proof but does mean it can take a reasonable amount of abuse before breaking. And it’s waterproof up to 40 feet.

OK, so it’ll run you $350, and $400 for the GPS version, but hey, it’s the last camera you’ll need to buy for a while.

Pentax Refreshes Its Rugged Line [Engadget]

Lindsay Lohan and photographer Terry Richardson were made for one another. He’s a great photographer who gets the sexiest women in the world to pose scantily clad for amazing photographs, and LiLo needs money and is willing to be photographed wearing anything, everything, and nothing. One of these sets of photos (the color ones) are for Love magazine (love Love magazine) and the other is for I don’t know what, but there’s loads of cleavage so it’s all good.

You know how you do something stupid, tell yourself you’ll never to do it again, let a lot of time lapse and then do that stupid thing again? That’s me and Ikea.

I needed a dresser and it had been about a decade since I’d stepped foot inside an Ikea. I had completely forgotten (blocked from memory?) what an awful experience it is, from having to park miles from the store’s entrance, to having to lug giant boxes to the checkout aisle on your own to the inscrutable assembly instructions and fourth-rate parts.

Ikea is the crazy girl you hooked up with freshman year, forgot about, and then hooked up with again as a senior. I guess what I’m saying is Ikea WILL CALL YOU CRYING EVERY NIGHT AND TRY TO FACEBOOK FRIEND YOUR MOTHER.

The Ikea dresser I purchased was the MALM model. It is so named because MALM is the sound you make after you drop Box #2 (which weighs about 50 pounds) on your leg and sheer the skin off the front of your shin, which is exactly what I did moments after moving the two MALM boxes into my apartment.

It was at this point that I made a strategic decision.

I was going to build this dresser Don Draper style, the same way he built Sally’s playhouse on Mad Men–while drinking beer, looking longingly into the distance and wondering how I had come to this point in my life.

To build a MALM dresser you need a hammer, a flat screwdriver, a Phillips screwdriver and a Swiss Army knife. The hammer is for the plastic and metal nails that hold the dresser together. The screwdrivers are for the screws. The Swiss Army Knife is in case you want to kill yourself. I didn’t use it, but it was liberating knowing that I had the option.

The build went horribly. Ikea doesn’t use screws. It uses things that look like screws, which are held in place with little round-y things. I would tell you the name of them, but Ikea does not label any of its parts with words. So you just say to yourself, “I need four more of these round-y screw fasteners so I can put them in the round thing-a-dos that hold the thingers.”

Because I forgot to tighten one of the round-y screw fasteners — there are only 800 of them — the entire structure collapsed at one point, breaking one of the boards. The boards, as best I can reckon, are made from the same substance used to make fortune cookies, only less sturdy.

Lucky for me, my father did not raise a dummy.

Yes, I realize that with the addition of duct tape my Ikea MALM dresser is no longer in mint condition, but now it has character. And knuckle marks from where I punched it. And it smells like spilled beer and shouting.

After salvaging the structure, I got to work on the tedious business of assembling the top, nailing the back to the frame and building the drawers. About three hours into the build I finished the first drawer, sliding it triumphantly into place. Then I slid it back and it would not open.
I tried to open it about 75 times. Each time I thought, “Now will be the time it opens.” But it would not open. Then I was like, “It will surely open this time.” But, no dice. So I would try again, thinking: “This time, I bet it will open.” But it did not. I felt like Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer dealing with modern technology. I just wanted to run into the hills or something.

Turns out one of the screws was not tightened all the way and was not allowing the drawer to slide back. I completely disassembled the drawer, tightened the screw and made another important strategic decision.

I moved onto whiskey. At no point did I set fire to the dresser. This particular tool did its job.

Throughout the ordeal, my dog watched in fear as I yelled and cursed intermittently. Because my dog thinks it’s all about her, she thought I was alternately yelling at her and ignoring her for hours. From her point of view, ours had become an abusive relationship. This is pretty much how she looked at me all afternoon. Like, “Hey, asshole.”

Look at that face. You disappoint that face? I can’t. I needed to finish. I went into Draper overdrive. A montage: Me boozing heavily, swinging the hammer wildly, bouts of regret amplified by panic, light crying, me trying to remember what I was like as a person before I went to Ikea, my humanity depleted.

Well, I finally finished the damn thing at high cost to my treasure and sanity, not to mention the damage it did between me and the dog. Only hours later did she come near me again.

Here it is: The MALM. It really is a MALM. Looks like a MALM. Say it, M-ah-lm. At least, I think that’s how you say it. They don’t put words in the instructions. I went online to find out and discovered that the MALM shares the same name as a city in Norway, which is one of those boring countries where everyone looks like a LEGO and the prime minister is also a shipping clerk.

MALM.

When my children ask me for advice someday, it will be this: buy assembled furniture and have it delivered. You’ll pay more, but it will be worth it. I will have other advice for my children, but none of it will be as important.

Maybe drinking bubbly with the fellas in a Jacuzzi is the norm in Slovakia—I can’t speak with any knowledge on that. And maybe Cibulkova is their version of Danica Patrick. You know, a slightly successful female athlete who uses her body to sell products.

So, for now, with no other information, we’ll just go with that. Keno10 is to Cibulkova as Go Daddy is to Patrick. Raise your hand if you have a complaint. No takers? Good. Just watch then.

In other words, if you put this on your cellphone, it can make using WiFi to take calls a better option than signing a cellular contract. And Google just overhauled it to make it that much more appealing than your cell plan.

Mostly, the changes are cosmetic: Google Voice has all the same features as before, just overhauled to look prettier. The big change is “asynchronous SMS”.

That’s a fancy way of saying that if you suddenly lose WiFi signal, you can just compose a text message and the instant you get signal again, the app sends the text, no problem.

Google Voice is available free on BlackBerry, Apple, and Android Market.

Google Voice [Android Market]

Via Kotaku: Jonah Falcon is kinda famous, at least here in NYC. He’s known primarily for his Talkin’ Xbox and Talkin’ Yankees (the does the former during baseball’s off season) cable access call-in shows, in which residents all across the island of Manhattan goof on the guy, mercilessly, on live television.

Though his primary claim to fame is having the world’s longest penis. Again, it’s 13.5 inches fully erect, but also 9.5 when flaccid. So what does a guy do when he’s endowed with such hardware? Other than reviewing Xbox games of course. Appear in porn? Nope; you appear on a basic cable program…

He seems like a nice guy, and like everyone else, Jonah deserves that special someone that will love him for who he is, and not just for what’s he’s got packing.

Though he should also look on the bright side; I know he’s sick of meaningless sex, but there’s some gamers out there who can’t even score that, so he should consider himself lucky.

This isn’t the first time we’ve seen a QR code used on a booze, but Brancott Estate is playing up the whole “experiences” aspect with “The World’s Most Curious Bottle.” I don’t think that’s what’s useful about the app because I have more than enough to do without wasting time taking sober adventures through my phone. What will be nice though is tasting notes and food pairing tips.

If you are buying a bottle just to drink, you can make an educated guess on whether you’ll like the wine based on it’s flavor descriptions. I don’t like “peppery” wines, so if that pops up, I know to move on. Then there’s the food pairing. It works to help avoid a bad combination if you’ve already set the menu or can give you ideas for what to make if you’re completely lost. This is a huge edge for guys trying to impress a woman with a date involving a home cooked meal. Trust me, as much as you like spaghetti with grilled chicken and toast covered in garlic salt and butter, you can do better. If not, maybe reconsider the whole cooking dinner for thing.

The app is free for Android and Apple, and you can learn more here.

Tip of the stein to StandardMadness

Really glad all the cameramen saw what an amazing photo opportunity it was when the President started pumping up the cannon. The sound of a thousand cameras clicking at once has never occurred at such a meaningless moment.

Have to question the security process for this science fair, though. What’s to say that Joey from Phoenix isn’t part of a sleeper cell planning on taking out our government infrastructure with his high powered marshmallow-based weaponry? You may have just given a supervillain all the intellectual start-up capital he needed. Way to go, team.

Obama Firing Marshmallow Cannon: “WOW! OH-WOW!” [Gizmodo]

But seriously, people really care…

Katharine lists the ways she thinks the two shows are different. The singer-turned-actress says Smash is a “drama” with “some moments of comedy.”

“We are a drama about the making of a Broadway show and all the kind of things that go into making it,” she says. “All of our songs are really kind of in context of the show.”

“Glee has sometimes six or seven songs in an episode. We have maybe two or three songs. So, it really is still kind of story-driven and character-driven.”

See? Totally different.

Katharine McPhee Says Smash And Glee Are ‘Totally Different Shows’ [Radar]

It appears the girl in the red got the worst of that fight when the blond beast with Uggs jumped in late. Something that I’m sure put a smile on Tom Brady’s face. He may not be winning on the field folks, but in the streets of New York, trashy white girls are wearing his boots.