Adorable dolphin sexually assaults girl (adorably?)

Chris Spags Founder and Editor

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This is a video of a dolphin emerging from the water with the SOLE PURPOSE (pun not intended but a joyous discovery all the same) of dry humping some girl. Fridays!

Uh so aren’t dolphins supposed to be the smartest member of the animal kingdom besides humans? No way this dude didn’t do it deliberately. Did you see his cackle after he hopped off? I don’t even care if they don’t traditionally reproduce by humping a girl incompetently for 10 seconds (like we do! USA USA). This dolphin needs to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Up until he appears in court with a popped polo and his dolphin parents can get him off because the judge is in the same country club they are. Dolphins, man.

UPDATE: Apparently the original upload of this video is a year old. But we can’t have Dolphin Sexual Assault Fridays without dolphin sexual assault, can we? So here we are.