10 of the most annoying modern commercial spokespeople
Our DVRs are amazing. They have given us the power to watch what we want when we want. More importantly, they have allowed us to skip over every single annoying commercial break. But every now and then, we find ourselves having to watch a show or a game in real time. And that’s why no matter what we do, we can’t avoid certain annoying spokespeople popping up on our TV from time to time. Here’s a list of some we wish they would stop letting on the air already.
Photo credit: YouTube/Progressive
10 Mac and PC from Apple
One is the old, stodgy, ancient thing of the past. The other is the new, cool, hip kid on the block. By now, you’ve probably already decided which side of the battle you’re on, so no smart-ass remark from Justin Long in a hoodie is going to convince you to dish out the cash for a whole new computer. Maybe once Apple realizes this, Long can just go back to doing what he does best: popping up in forgetful supporting roles in hit comedies.
9 Mike O’Malley from Time Warner Cable
Why is that guy who always wears a baseball cap too high on his head and used to host a bunch of Nickelodeon game shows when I was a kid constantly on TV trying to get us to switch over to Time Warner Cable? First of all, I have Time Warner Cable, and it’s horrible. Second of all, if you want us to buy your mediocre product try using a ridiculously attractive woman instead of a middle-aged man with a receding hairline. That’s how Adam Sandler got people to see Just Go With It.
8 The Baby from E-Trade
It’s a one-time gag… A baby talking finance. It was great, but then E-Trade decided it would be a good idea to keep shoving that damn baby in our faces. Even going so far as replacing the kid each time he got just a little too old to be considered cute. How about this rule of thumb: if the actor in your commercials has gotten too old and stale to keep around, chances are the joke has too.
7 Flo from Progressive
Oh, Flo and her “over-the-top” excitement for the insurance she sells. Do you know anyone else working in retail who is this enthusiastic about the product they’re selling? Maybe at the Disney store, but this is insurance. As far as I’m concerned Flo’s gotta go. None of us should even consider Progressive until she does.
6 The King from Burger King
The King isn’t so much annoying as he is creepy. Whoever thought we would be more likely to run out and grab a Whopper because a man in a giant plastic head resembling a royal, mustached Mel Gibson is stalking us was way off. The only thing that would be more terrifying is if the actual Mel Gibson were stalking us. Just ask Oksana.
5 The “Can You Hear Me Now?” Guy from Verizon
The company that prides itself on its incredible network has a geeky spokesperson who spends all of his time wandering around the world trying to find a spot where the person on the other end of the line can actually hear him. The commercials usually just manage to catch the tail end of his journey (“Can you hear me now? Good!”), but what about all the trouble he had to go through to finally get that connection? Wouldn’t a better catch phrase for a company trying to rave about its network be “I can hear you perfectly no matter where I happen to be standing at any single moment in time”?
4 The General from The General Auto Insurance
Cheap animation, bad acting, and a catchy song… No, it’s not an episode of South Park. It’s a commercial for auto insurance. The General (who looks like an animated Wilford Brimley) interacts with live action people, gets them all excited about insurance rates, and then leaves you with his obnoxious theme song, which gets stuck in your head for the rest of the week. On the other hand, it sure beats having any song by The Black Eyed Peas stuck in there.
3 The Duck from Aflac
The worst part about the duck from Aflac is that it affects my daily life. For some reason, I can no longer say things like “half-black”, “ass slap”, “Zach Braff” (and let’s be honest, who can go more than a day without saying those things?) or anything else that rhymes with Aflac without my voice going into a Gilbert Gottfried squawk… All because of these dumb commercials starring a duck suffering from Tourette’s.
2 Jared Fogle from Subway
Talk about beating a dead horse. Jared Fogle first popped up on our television screens way back in 1999. And he’s still going! I think we get it by now, Subway. If we’re ridiculously obese and want to lose a bunch of weight, but still remain somewhat pudgy, we should eat your sandwiches for every meal. Case closed.
1 The FreeCreditReport.com Band
2007 was the year that FreeCreditReport.com introduced us to a new campaign, involving a trio of singing douchebags and a collection of some of the most agitating jingles in advertising history. It was also the year that they introduced me to severe headaches and audio induced vomiting. I hadn’t had that kind of reaction to music since Nickelback hit the airwaves. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the importance of keeping an eye on your credit and making sure you have a decent credit score… but having those stupid anthems about unfortunate financial luck drilled repeatedly into my head has made me less interested in my finances and more focused on backhanding anyone with curly hair and a smirk.