Fake lottery winnings lead to riot

An Ohio woman faked winning the lottery for some reason that’s unclear but probably rhymes with “being a seatard,” announced that she would buy $500 worth of stuff for everyone in the store.

A woman being driven around in a rented limousine pulled up at a coat store and announced she’d won the lottery and would pay for everyone’s purchases, police said, but she ended up causing a riot when customers realized it was a hoax.

Angry customers threw merchandise around and looted, leaving the store looking as though a hurricane had passed through it, police said.

Linda Brown was arrested Tuesday after an hours-long shopping spree that began when she hired a stretch Hummer limousine to drop her off at a Burlington Coat Factory store, police Sgt. Lt. Michael Deakins said. Brown walked to a cash register and loudly announced she had won the lottery and would pay for each person’s merchandise up to $500, he said.

“Well, of course, people like to hear that,” Deakins said. “Apparently they were in line calling relatives who were not at the store and told them to come.”

People flooded the registers as cashiers began ringing up purchase after purchase, but Brown had not yet paid the bill, Deakins said. At least 500 people filled the aisles and another 1,000 were outside trying to get in, he said.

“She was telling people she won $1.5 million,” Deakins said. “But it ends up she didn’t win anything. She had no money to pay for anything.”

Saddest part of the story? This is easily the most uplifting thing to happen in Ohio in years.

But really, how desperate for love and attention do you have to be to pretend to be a millionaire in a limousine buying everyone gifts? Why can’t she just sleep around or cut herself like normal girls who need attention? And if you’re going to pretend to be a benevolent new millionaire stupidly spending half the winnings on people you don’t know, you should probably slap on a monocle. If the people in the store were smarter, they would have seen her and gone, “No monocle OR top hat? This must be fake.” People really need to learn more from the life lessons of Monopoly.

[Fox News]

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