GoDaddy’s CEO Bob Parsons kills elephants like you wear pants

GoDaddy CEO Bob Parsons is getting beaten up around the Internet due to a fun fact that isn’t actually a whole lot of fun: Parsons kills elephants. And he filmed it for GoDaddy, joyously. This’ll end well.

The local Phoenix Fox affiliate got a hold of Parsons for a comment and he admitted no regret, saying, “I kind of figured that this might happen. So be it, I’m not ashamed of what I did.”

He went on to say:

“All these people that are complaining that this shouldn’t happen, that these people who are starving to death otherwise shouldn’t eat these elephants, you probably see them driving through at McDonald’s or cutting a steak. These people [Zimbabwe villagers] don’t have that option.”

Gawker says Parsons is a known attention whore, even refusing to bring GoDaddy to an IPO in 2006 because IPOs require a “quiet period” in which Parsons would have been unable to make any media appearances or, presumably, videos of himself having a driveby at Babar’s house.

In a follow-up blog post, Parsons defended himself again, claiming that these are “problem” elephants and that the carcasses go to feed the villagers (also captured in the video linked above).

Logistically, I understand the hunter mindset of killing to regulate animal populations (even though that strays a bit too close to “playing God” for my tastes). And it’s certainly not a bad thing for hungry African villagers to be able to eat. But the reason for all the hatred is simple to me beyond just the disgust of someone shooting elephants: It’s an obscenely rich man pretending to be helping society when, in reality, he just wants to blast Dumbo in the face with a shotgun.

So if you’re wealthy enough to do that and it brings you joy, then just say that. Tell us all, “I literally cannot get it up unless the blood of an innocent beast has been spilled. I like to shove elephant tusks in my anus to massage my prostate. It’s who I am. I’m rich. Deal with it.” At least then we can stop pretending this is an ethical/liberal quandary instead of just another rich dude doing things just because he can.

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