December 30, 2009 4:09 pm

Israeli man gets world record-setting 11th divorce

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When you’re a child, you always want to believe that no matter what you end up doing, you’re going to be the best. That belief in whom you are and what you can do is incredibly crucial to achieving your goals. So instead of condemning this man in Jerusalem who just got his 11th divorce, we should applaud him for daring to be the best. Inspirational.

A 50-year-old Jewish man living in Jerusalem has been granted his 11th divorce, a new Israeli record for Jews according to a Rabbinical court.

The BBC reports that the unidentified man divorced his current wife after she said he had not been working and had been living off of her income. The man said that he’s been getting divorced about every two years.

“It turns out that the popular divorcee courts his wives in a persuasive and sensitive way. … But after a short time on both sides they get annoyed with each other and after the courting, fights begin,” according to the Rabbinical Court Administration.

If nothing else, you’ve got to love the guy’s confidence. He claims that in spite of his wonderful history of complete failure at marriage, he’s got no problem picking up the ladies.

“I send out a hook in all directions, and the fish come on their own,” he said.

Well of course. What lady couldn’t resist a man who has previously shown that on 10 separate occasions, he’s been completely incapable of satisfying a woman in some capacity. As the saying goes, the 12th time with the creepy Israeli guy is the charm.

I’m very much in favor of trying to find your happiness and all, but I would think that after this many marriages, you could probably abandon the concept for a bit. When it gets to the point that your ex-wives have to form a bread line for your alimony payments, congaing in once a month to take 95% of your earnings, I’d say you can probably stick to dating. Or, just to be protected against common law marriage, masturbation. Your wang can’t hire a divorce lawyer…have you ever seen a penis attempt to dial a telephone? It just looks silly.