Man breaks into church to watch porn

Chris Spags Founder and Editor

If you were to make a thermometer designed to measure the level of sacrilege being committed at any given time, I’d say A) You should probably set your invention goals higher and B) To calibrate the most sacrilegious thing possible, take a look at this man in Iowa why broke into a church to use the equipment inside to watch porn.

Second-degree burglary charges have been filed against an Ames man who broke into a church where he allegedly used the institution’s electronic equipment to watch pornography. Police allege the 55-year-old man broke into the First Christian Church on Thursday. After gathering items from around the building, he is believed to have gone to the basement to spend the night.

Police summoned to the church Friday by staff, found the man trying to haul away a garbage can filled with food, kitchen utensils, clothes, electronic equipment and a 26-inch flat-screen television.

Police Cmdr. Mike Brennan said the man used the electronic equipment to watch pornographic movies that were found on him when he was arrested.

I’m not exactly a religious guy or anything, but I don’t know how you can watch porn when, mere feet away, Jesus is hanging out on a cross, looking kind of sad. I can’t imagine “Big Wet Butts 7″ packs the same emotional wallop when you’re there before the grace of God.

I have to assume the guy wasn’t there just to watch porn, he had to be scheduling a little “me time” as well. If you’re going to break into a church for the sole purpose of watching porn, it’d be creepy if you didn’t at least attempt to rub one out. I think even your deity of choice would understand that one. No matter where you are, watching porn without rubbing one out is like stealing a hamburger and playing Tiddly Winks with its pickles. That analogy worked better in my head.

Police: Burglar Uses Church Equipment to View Porn [ABC News]

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