Man commits suicide by stabbing himself in groin with souvenir pencil

Chris Spags Founder and Editor

Suicide is a terrible thing no matter how you slice it. But apparently there’s a way to make it even worse than the traditional pill overdose or noose…you could do like one UK man allegedly did and stab yourself in the groin repeatedly with a jumbo-sized novelty pencil.

A window cleaner died after stabbing himself in the groin repeatedly with a jumbo souvenir pencil, an inquest heard.

Jeffrey Burton’s family and friends were baffled by his bizarre death, which was recorded as an open verdict because there was no evidence he was trying to commit suicide.

The room [police found Mr. Burton in] was splattered with blood and music was still playing on his stereo. The giant blood-covered pencil was beside him.

East Sussex coroner Alan Craze told the Hastings inquest: “It’s a mystery to me. If you were choosing to take your own life, that’s not the way you would do it.

“It seems to me that it can’t have been a single stab wound. He seems to have worked on it. The pencil was blunt.”

Poor guy. Novelty items aren’t meant to bring pain to anyone, they’re just supposed to bring the simple joy of seeing something typically small turned into something extremely large. I’m just glad he didn’t harm anyone else. We could have been looking at an OJ Simpsonian double murder if he’d recently won a visit from Publisher’s Clearing House with an oversized check.

[Mirror]
Window cleaner killed himself with giant souvenir pencil, inquest hears

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