Man convicted for spanking it on a trampoline
Chris Spags I understand the importance of wanting variety in your sex life. But here’s one case where maybe you’d want to keep things a bit simpler. A Scottish man was convicted on charges of publicly exposing himself and intimidating his neighbors after, yes, jerking it while on a trampoline.
According to STV in Scotland:
[A female neighbor] saw James Burden stark naked with a cigarette in one hand and his genitals in the other. Falkirk Sheriff Court heard the gobsmacked victim told police that 55-year-old Burden was “as bold as brass …and purposeful.”
As she passed her kitchen window, she saw Burden – her upstairs neighbour – in the back garden. She then saw Burden approach the back door of the block of flats.
The woman rushed into her living room and called police. Mr McMahon said: “He told police he had gone out to the trampoline and had masturbated himself there.”
Asked why he did it, Burden told officers: “Just for the thrill of it.” He added: “I did not intend anyone to see me.”
I’m glad this man has been put away. I can’t imagine any sane person thinking, “Yeah, jacking it on a trampoline while smoking…this is the best idea I’ve ever had.”
In fact, this sounds like something out of a horror movie. I imagine a scenario in which Burden is bouncing up on the down on a trampoline, appearing to the woman’s window while pleasuring himself and smoking his cigarette, then bouncing back down, then back up. Terrifying. It’s like some odd combination of “Nightmare on Elm Street,” Whack-a-Mole, and a leaky packet of Gogurt.
Morning glory: Man convicted of solo sex romp on trampoline
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