Man gets thrown in jail for attacking his wife with a hamburger

Relationships are difficult. For anecdotal proof, you can see the dozens of stories here. But when the going gets tough between you and your lady, the solution sometimes isn’t the obvious one. Like throwing a hamburger in her face to get her back in line.

As Confucius once said, “The larger the hamburger, the more problems you’ll solve when you throw it in a loved one’s face.”

A 25-year-old Port St. Lucie man was arrested for allegedly rubbing a hamburger on his wife’s face during an argument.

Police say Daniel Boss and his wife got into it late Thursday night and started calling each other names. At some point, the woman apparently poured soda on Boss’ hamburger, causing him to grab the sandwich, rub it in her face and start throwing food.

Boss left, but his wife went to the police station to report the incident. Officers arrested him three hours later on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge.

Well, at least it wasn’t a felony. Getting convicted of a felony domestic battery charge for shoving hamburger in your wife’s face probably wouldn’t give you much credibility. “What are you in for? I bust into a police station and killed seven cops.” “Oh, I blew up the gas station where a rival drug dealer was with his crew. [Ed. note: This is an extremely articulate prison.] What about you, fish?” “I got into a big fight with my wife and she poured soda on my hamburger. So I shoved it in her face.. No seriously, you guys don’t understand, this was a SEVEN OUNCE BURGER. …you’re going to rape me again, aren’t you?”

[WTSP]

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