Man returns stolen beer, tries to exchange it for colder ones
Chris Spags Just because you’re a criminal who’s so far down the thievery food chain that you’re stealing beer doesn’t mean you don’t have a discerning palate. For example, there’s this Tennessee man who stole beer and brought it back because it wasn’t cold enough for him.
A clerk at a Clarksville, Tennessee gas station told police that she went back to the stock room to check on something. Upon coming out, she found that several cases of beer were missing from the front of the store.
A few minutes later, the man, whom the clerk said appeared to be drunk, came back in with the beer, asking if he could swap it for something a little colder.
When the clerk asked the man if he’d actually paid for the beer, she said he grew “anxious,” asked for directions to a nearby street, and scurried away.
Granted, I don’t know a whole lot about the business models of many gas stations. But I can’t imagine that allowing someone to steal beer from your store and then leave is going to lead to a hefty profit. No CFO has ever began an earnings call by saying, “Well, our retail profits are up 75% this quarter. Our clerks stupidly allowed hundreds of men to steal our products and then walk away blissfully so that really helped us move a lot of inventory.” And if there is a CFO who said that, well, I guess we know where that cold beer went. That’s right: Underaged girls he attempted to sleep with. How deep does the rabbit hole go, CFO Whom I Created Solely for the Purpose of a Poorly Founded Punchline?
Clarksville man steals beer, says they weren’t cold enough [The Tennesseean]
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