Man sues Axe for not getting him laid

If one were to believe the Axe advertisements perpetually on TV, you might think that as soon as you spray Axe on yourself that you’d be violently gang-raped by a wandering troop of women. One man in India is wishing he had such an experience, so he’s suing the company for undisclosed damages.

A LUCKLESS romeo has sued cosmetics firm Lynx after he failed to land a girlfriend during seven years of using their products.

Indian Vaibhav Bedi, 26, is seeking £50,000 from parent company Unilever for the “depression and psychological damage” caused by the lack of any Lynx effect.

Court officials in New Delhi have accepted dozens of half-used body washes, shampoos, anti-perspirants and hair gels for forensic tests.

Lynx – marketed as Axe in India – is famous for its saucy ads showing barely clothed women throwing themselves at men.

Vaibhav said in his court petition: “The company cheated me because in its advertisements, it says women will be attracted to you if you use Axe. I used it for seven years but no girl came to me.”

As crazy as it sounds, there might actually be a correlation between using Axe and getting laid. The correlation: Any man who uses Axe with the belief that it’ll lead to a stewardess asking you if you’d like some nuts, followed by you going “No,” followed by her going “Well I’d like yours” then engaging in coitus will probably never get laid ever since women tend not to like men who are unflappably mentally retarded. I have no problem with Axe…I use their scrubby thing and enjoy their scents so long as they’re not used in lieu of a shower. But there is no scent in the world that would make a woman come uncontrollably running down the street after a delusional man. Unless they start making every $100 dollar bill smell like tuna, then maybe there will be a connection. If not, at least you’ll be followed by adorable kitty cats. What you do with their course, naive tongues is your business, sicko.

EDITOR UPDATE: Apparently this is a hoax! Of course it is. Because Axe works every single time in bedding foxy ladies. You’d have a harder time getting laid with a bottle of ether and a lack of scruples than you would with Axe.

[Daily Record]

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