December 18, 2009 10:06 am

Miley Cyrus may want to look in to getting a restraining order

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Many older gentlemen love Miley Cyrus and even the most “normal” love a 30-year-old man could have for Miley would have to be construed as somewhat creepy. So what do you say about a man who records himself feeding chocolates to a towel with Miley Cyrus’s likeness with “Nothing Compares” by Sinead O’Connor playing in the background? Restraining order time!

What’s most disturbing to me is how much the melted and smeared chocolate looks like feces. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m sure we’ve all dreamed of looking lovingly into Miley Cyrus’s eyes after giving her a warm, fresh Cleveland Steamer. I say you haven’t really experienced love until you can look the woman of your dreams right in her eyes as her face is covered in bodily waste and corn and say, “I love you.” Which explains why I’m no longer allowed within 50 feet of any ex-girlfriends nor am I allowed anywhere near Ted Sheckler’s Freshly Made Manure Emporium.