Naked man breaks into neighbor woman’s home, gets dragged out by his beard
Chris Spags A 64-year-old woman woke up to a most unpleasant sight early Tuesday morning when she found her neighbor standing over her naked. Fortunately, she was able to fight him off and drag him out of her home. By his big beard (pictured below). But wait, there’s more!
The woman told police that she awoke at almost 1AM on Tuesday morning to find her bearded neighbor Laurence Saunders hovering over her completely nude. Saunders then allegedly grabbed the woman’s arm and told her he was “just being friendly.”
The woman was able to drag him to the door of her house by his beard but, as she tried to throw him out, he grabbed her by the throat. She then picked up a tape measure and smacked him in the head with it to get him out of the house.
Saunders was then allegedly crying on the victim’s deck when she found his black shorts and threw them at her.
The woman also told police that Saunders had entered her home the day prior as well, claiming that her dog had escaped out the back door and telling her than “anyone could enter.”
And this is precisely why you never trust a man with a beard. What have men with unwieldy facial hair given us as a society? The only cultural contribution comes from ZZ Top. And even then, did we really need a song about women who have legs and the ability to use them? Most women have legs and know how to use them. And those that can’t…well, they’re just easier to catch, I guess. Write a song about that, beardos.
KC woman hauls naked neighbor from her home by the beard [Kansas City Star]
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