Quote of the Day

Posted by Chris Spags on January 11th, 2010 at 12:30 pm

I think that repeat offenders should get more substantial jail time since it becomes patently obvious that they just don’t learn. But one man in South Carolina who stole $80 worth of meat, his ninth criminal offense, got sentenced to 10 years in jail. His defense was that he wasn’t stealing the meat, just “massaging it.” Never massage your meat in public, kids.

A South Carolina man has been sentenced to 10 years in prison for stealing an $80 slab of meat. The Times and Democrat of Orangeburg reported Thursday that 51-year-old Mark Zachary of Orangeburg received the maximum sentence after jurors found him guilty Wednesday of shoplifting. Prosecutors said the sentence was justified because the Aug. 26 theft from Reid’s grocery store in Orangeburg was his ninth offense.

Authorities said when a store manager approached Zachary about the missing New York strip and the big bulk under his shirt, he fled, right into the arms of an off-duty police officer.

Assistant Solicitor Glenn Justis asked jurors “Where’s the beef?” in his opening argument.

Zachary testified he was “massaging” the meat, not stealing it.

[Yahoo News]

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Chris Spags "Internet Heartthrob" Chris Spags is a former comic and the founding editor of Guyism.com. In addition to overseeing all Guyism content and business development, he covers Humor for the site daily. He was recognized on the street once and it was awesome.