December 18, 2009 2:00 pm

Sex toys are going “Green”

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Much like Miss Piggy’s strap-on, sex toys are finally going green. According to a global summit, the sex toy industry, which accounts for $15 billion in annual sales, are embracing a green philosophy, ditching the traditional batteries for a man-powered hand crank.

[O]ne Irish company reckons they’ve got the solution to shake up the market: a vibrator they are calling the world’s first-ever “green technology sex toy”.

The Earth Angel, described as “eight inches (20 centimetres) with a sleek white finish”, is a wind-up vibrator which comes with a handle built into the bottom.

“You just flip out the handle, grab a hold of it there, and you just wind it,” said Janice O’Connor, the co-founder with her husband Chris, of Caden Enterprises which makes the gadget.

“So for four minutes of doing that, you should generate enough power to give you 30 minutes of full-on, right-to-the top vibrations,” she told AFP.

While you can certainly admire the technology, nothing could possibly be more of a buzzkill than working yourself up into a froth and then having to run a hand crank for four minutes, exhausting your arm and giving you time to soak up the shame that often comes with rubbing one out. You know that moment after you finish where you’re covered in goo like you were just visited by Slimer’s separatist cousin and the disgust you have with yourself? Imagine that being spread out across four minutes BEFORE you actually do it. if I were a chick using this, I’d literally never get to the actual self-pleasure part. I’d end up hopping on a butterchurn like the skanky Amish girl I am.

[Yahoo]