If you keep a flask stashed in a hollowed out bedpost or if you keep a fifth of Jack Daniels hidden in a glass case underneath your desk at work in case of emergencies, this one might be for you. The solution to this one is simple – just drink openly. Sure, people will judge you and call you a drunk, but they won’t be able to say that you’re hiding alcohol like some sort of ashamed hoarder. Tiny victories, you know? Besides, the American Drunk or drunkus americanus
is a marginalized species. Be out and be proud. Let the world know that you’re an unrepentant drunk. Tell the repressed around you that “I’m here, this is my beer, get used to it.” Hell, you deserve a parade. Sure, the parade will end when half of you vomit before the end of the first block and the rest of you stumble and crash through the plate glass windows of every shop on Main Street, but a short parade is still a parade.
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