The hot new trend for women is “nipple enhancers”?

A lot of guys like to make jokes about how long it takes a woman to get ready. While that’s an annoying female trait, I tend to think that if a lady needs three hours of spackle and crown molding to make her look good, so be it. But this may be one step too far…meet British retailer Selfridges’ “nipple enhancers,” designed to give women that “I just walked out of a refrigerator but still hate bras” look.

You can see what a woman wearing the nipple enhancers would look like in the above photo. Not to ruin the mystique, but here they are outside of a woman’s body:

Selfridges claims that these accentuate the currently-trendy “natural look” on a woman. The product description says that “from your favorite magazines, to stars gracing the red carpet, women are showing off their breasts with pride.” Somehow, this means women need fake, perpetually hard nipples.

I wholeheartedly approve. Not because I like my women to have enormous pointy nipples pointing at me all the time, almost as though they’re accusing me of a crime. But rather because I can’t bring myself to buy an umbrella rack and I see no better way of showing a woman, “Hey, you’re more than just an object to me” than hanging accessories off her fake nipples. Ol’ charmer Chris, they call me.

Fake Nipples Aim To Destroy You, Boys [Gizmodo]
Nipple Enhancers [Selfridges]

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