The most terrifying voicemail I’ve ever received

Colin Joliat Alcohol & Food Editor

I make a point of not giving out my phone number. I’m not a celebrity or anything; I just know there are a ton of crazy “Call Me Maybe” singing psychos out there. Unfortunately, I was over-enjoying myself this past weekend and apparently gave it to some girl. Not “gave it to her” like that. Well, maybe like that; I don’t know. Anyways, last night I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize. Being the asshole that I am, I let it go to voicemail instead of answering it like a reasonable human being. The message that ensued was both hilarious and terrifying.

This takes the “overly attached girlfriend” thing to a whole new level. Most notably, the level at which I don’t even recall meeting this person. She seems to be really excited to spend the rest of the summer with me though, effective immediately.

I always expected to die in a freak bear fighting accident. If this is the last post you ever see from me though, you’ll know I died as I lived – like a little bitch.

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