This week in e-cards

I bet the Robert De Niro of Taxi Driver would shoot the Rober De Niro of Little Fockers
It's cute that you think everyone is jealous of you. We actually just don't like you.It's never too late to give up.I'm glad I dont' work in a Catholic Church on Take Your Children to Work DaySometimes I grab my boobs. Because, well, I can.Maybe if you ate soem of that makeup you could be as pretty on the inside as you are on the outside3.5 billion women int he world and most of them are in Asia. The chances of you being my soulmate are slimSex noises in the background? Oh no, I'm just listening to Led ZeppelinBeer, Bacon and ice cream all day, every day. Probabl the best and worst part of being an individual adult living alone.I'm a great cook if you cover my cooking in condiments to the point where you can only taste the condiments.Sorry your football team is more exciting to watch on draft day than game day.Listen, I'm not calling her a slut. I'm just saying that if her vagina had a password it would be "password"Dont' you wish your girlfriend was grammatically correct like me?"wow, that clean shaven guy looks super manly" said no one everAs a non-stoner on 4/20, I can't decide if I feel more like a non-sports fan on Superbowl Sunday or a Jew on ChristmasLove is like a fart. If you have to fore it, it is probably shit.I will always care about the environment, until it's no longer trendyCongratulations on not getting me pregnantSorry, but my dog thinks you're an asshole, and I believe him.My door is always open if you want to talk about how you can get the fuck out of my office.WHen women ask you for your opinion, they don't want to hear your opinion, they want to hear their opinion in a deeper voiceI wonder if the next planet we destroy will also get its own holiday.I wonder if the next planet we destroy will also get its own holiday....annnnd you're still a little bitch.Dit it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because have sex with me.I'm sorry, I would offer you a drunk but all I have left is some get the fuck outI've been exaggerating stories since 1744.@#$% this noise, I'm out