This Week in Women: Cammy Shaw, Angelina Barnes, and more
Katie Nolan 
Welcome to week two of my little stint on Guyism. Quick refresher course: I’m here to bring you the most noteworthy bitch behavior that made headlines this week. Last Friday we enjoyed a laugh at the expense of Rihanna, Anna Chapman, and that chick who cried rape on Duke Lacrosse. This week was a little slower on the celeb front, but I promise these no-name bitties are even more title-worthy.
Every week on Guyism, I’ll be giving a rundown of this week’s most notable bitches. From celebs to reality TV stars to unknown females in your local news, no one’s off limits. So, without further ado, I present to you another installment of “This Week in Women.”
Selfish Bitch of the Week – Cammy Shaw
Cammy’s the South Dakota mom who went on Good Morning America this week to discuss the plastic surgery she got for her seven-year-old daughter Samantha. Apparently little Sam was looking a little too much like the kid from Mad Magazine for mom’s liking, so they flew to New York to have her ears pinned back in an effort to stop the incessant bullying. Unfortunately for Cammy, her daughter openly confirmed that she hasn’t really been teased. Looks like what we have here is an embarrassed mom with a ridicule-ridden past who threw her kid under the knife for her own sake. I’ll applaud her effort to attach herself to this hot new anti-bullying fad, but I’m not buying it. At the end of the day, little kids are assholes. They’re gonna pick on your gingerbaby regardless; all you’ve really done here is filled their magazine pouches with extra ammo. The way I see it, this bitch should probably just be grateful that protruding ears are the only characteristic she passed down from her elephant DNA.
Crazy Bitch of the Week – Angelina Barnes
Listen. I hate cats as much as the next guy. Anything that poops in a box and expects me to clean up after it while it takes nap #6 can strut its entitled little ass right out my door and not expect so much as a “missing” poster from me. Just a horrendous excuse for a pet. However, the only thing I hate more than cats is a crazy bitch, so I’m going to concede and side with the felines on this one. Barnes was found standing in her Oklahoma home in the dark, dressed in a long coat, covered in blood from the family cat she had drowned and gutted. Psychotic episode? Uncontrollable physical response to the Meow Mix jingle? Nope. Just gettin’ sexy for the Lady Gaga concert. Go big or go home I guess? I mean sure, plenty of other drones who were “born that way” were probably going to show up in belly shirts and ketchup-stained go-go boots, but not Angelina. Real blood or GTFO.
Bitch Who Got What She Deserved of the Week – Elena Caro
Not gonna lie; when I heard that a woman died after getting something injected into her ass in the back room of a tile store in Vegas, unlicensed butt enhancements weren’t the first thing to cross my mind. If we’re being honest, they probably weren’t even in the top five. Either way, Elena Caro (p)assed away on Saturday after paying two non-docs to poke her ass with a needle filled with 200 cubic centimeters of a “gel-like substance.” I’d love to see the before pictures of this bitch’s backside. I can’t wrap my mind around how bad it’d have to be to motivate someone to bend over the terra cottas in Tiles Plus for two Colombian immigrants with a foreign degree in homeopathic meds. I’m not usually one to speak negatively of the deceased, but you’ve really got no one to blame but yourself in a situation like this. I guess sometimes you just gotta drop trou and let Darwinism inject you in the ass.
Con Artist Bitch of the Week – Portia Walton
This 54-year-old “multimedia artist” is suing Yankee stadium for two million dollars after she was electrocuted by a metal hatch in an outdoor dining area. Bitch spent a couple hours in the hospital for a shock and a headache and she wants two mil. Post-traumatic stress disorder my ass, Portia; you just figured out a way to get some funding for your next “installation.” You know the Yanks will pay it too, because they’re no strangers to solving problems with money. But hey, good to see there was finally some energy in that mausoleum of a stadium.
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