This Week in Women: Stewardesses, man bitch & more

It’s that time of the week again where we get to point at women and laugh at them. The last seven days have given us a chick standing up for the degradation of women (so long as it doesn’t interfere with her cash flow), a woman who killed herself over Facebook, a bitch popping out babies like the Dominican Republic pops out clean-up hitters, and a dude. I know; It hurts me as much as it hurts you.

This, gentlemen, is your week in women.

You’re Kidding, Right Bitch? of the Week: Anonymous Future Stewardess
I read an article about this bitch contacting the media in outrage after a recent job interview for Indonesia’s Garuda airlines called for her and other applicants to strip down to their jeans and have their tits investigated for tattoos or implants.

Not enough outrage though, I guess, since I noticed that she asked to remain anonymous in case they called to offer her the job. Is this real life? Bitch tried to look like some feminist crusader working hard to expose the unfair treatment of women in the workplace, but ended up coming out of this thing with about as much dignity as a vomit-covered sorority girl on a walk of shame. You really can’t have it both ways, lady. Either you felt violated or you mildly enjoyed rounding second base. Spare me the bullshit.

Male Bitch of the Week: Otto McNab, Jr.
Sorry, guys. I try to turn a blind eye for the sake of argument, but sometimes you can act like such bitches.

Homeboy was a man with a plan. He pulled up to a bank, eyes on the prize, and managed to rob them of over 2 grand. Problem was, as it usually is, that he brought his girlfriend. Never a good idea, especially when you’re as pussy-whipped as this mangina. When he hopped in the car for the getaway, his uninformed girlfriend was so furious to discover what he did that she ordered him to get out of the car to bring the money back. And he actually did it. Got right out of the car, ran back into the bank he just threatened to bomb, and dropped the sack of money.

I’d love to have the security tape of this. It’d be sickly enjoyable for me to see not only the look of absolute shame and degradation on his face, but to hear what line he chose to go with as he tucked his tail between his legs. Sure, it could have been a simple “my bad, guys,” but maybe he dropped a gem like “the old ball and chain… you know how it is…” through some nervous laughter. Always nice to have a sense of self-awareness when you’re castrating yourself in front of a bunch of bank employees.

Overreacting Bitch of the Week: Franita Swart-Smith
This woman commit suicide after her engagement to her online sweetheart was called off. I know, I sound so heartless, but hear me out. Committing suicide isn’t getting murdered. She’s not some poor innocent victim. This lady took her crazy a few steps too far, and for that she gets no sympathy and will serve as a means for me to make an important point.

From what I can gather, she met a guy online and rushed him into an engagement. She then raped her friends’ newsfeeds with posts about how she found the “perfect man” and had something “big and sparkly” on her finger. Your typical female internet pontification. They met in person, he introduced her to the in-laws, and everyone was like “um, bitch is crazy,” so he called it off. She immediately logs into the Book, changes her relationship status to “single,” and fields questions about her failed engagement in an inappropriately public forum. Fast forward a few weeks when she’s so distraught over the embarrassment that she selfishly offs herself, assumedly after posting one last dramatic status update.

Ladies, let Franita’s story be a lesson to you: Facebook makes you f*cking nuts. It’s cool to hit your friends with a few mobile uploads every now and then, or maybe a witty joke about your thoughts on the asinine air-to-chip ratio in a bag of Lay’s, but making a social network a forum for the play-by-play of your relationship is just asking for trouble. I actually believe pretty strongly that this lady would’ve lived to torture another man til death do them part if Facebook weren’t around.

Take a step back and maybe read a book, bitches. There’s so much more to the world than how many eligible bachelors “like” your changed relationship status.

Vaginal Rejuvenation Bitch of the Week: Kelly Bates
Forget the fact that this woman and the 18 kids that fell out of her floppy vagina make me want to schedule a voluntary hysterectomy for yesterday, let’s talk about how she want’s to keep growing her family… and has no health insurance. You can talk all you want about how you’re on some divine mission from God to overpopulate the earth with hick babies; until he comes down off his cloud to foot the bill I’m really not interested.

This woman’s story makes a hell of a lot more sense when you learn the not-so-minor detail that she’s best friends with that famewhore Dugger lady with 19 kids and a reality show. A woman will stop at nothing to passive-aggresively outdo their friends and give themselves a warped sense of self-worth.

I guarantee these two bitches will be dropping their placentas all over middle America until their husbands can no longer get enough friction from tossing their hot dogs down those vast hallways to bust a decent nut.

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