Want to win sex with Helen Mirren?

Katie Nolan Editor, "Guyism Speed Round" Producer

You do, don’t you. I don’t blame you. A walk of shame is much more enjoyable when you’ve got a pocket full of hard candies and a check for $12.

Vice Magazine has decided to capitalize on the somewhat shaky mission statement of a website that offers downloadable sex agreements. The site, LoveContracts.net, aims to help people out with that ever-so-tricky concept of “consent” by putting the terms of your smash sesh in black and white for your one-night stand to sign pre-coitus. Ah, romance in the 21st century. Well, if all you need for guaranteed sex is a signature, why not hit up the red carpet for some high-end John Hancocks? Tada; Vice is now giving away three of these contracts inked by celebs.

love contract smaller 309x157 Want to win sex with Helen Mirren?

So congratulations, world. You now have the opportunity to give the business to Russell Brand, Helen Mirren, or a no-name actress from the cinematic masterpiece LOL. Though I’m fairly certain that if I had to populate a list of celebrities I’d have no problem scoring without masterful conartistry, it’d consist solely of Russell Brand, Helen Mirren, and that no-name girl in LOL. Oh don’t shake your head at me; You know as well as I that the Queen’s a closet whore. And with a rack that age-defying, who can honestly blame her?

Win sex with Helen Mirren [Vice Magazine]

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