We should probably follow the Bible more closely

Sorry if that headline misled you…have no fear, I’m not religiously converted and in fact remain more of a heathen than ever before (today I worshipped a smoothie). But when religious zealots bang the Bible saying, “We must follow this word by word!” when decrying gay marriage or premarital sex or stoning a loved one, it’s a bit hypocritical. There’s a lot to the Bible we don’t follow, like this faux protester’s sign.

I AGREE COMPLETELY! All hail Deuteronomy! Hear that ladies? Romantic comedies starring Jennifer Aniston have taught you wrong; you’re unable to find a husband not because you’re successful professionally but kind of adorably quirky, but in fact because you’re all complete harlots who according to our Lord and Savior don’t deserve to have a man love and care for you! Which really makes the Valentine’s Day card I’m giving my girlfriend this year even more poignant.

We can quote the Bible too! [Tumblr]

--- Did you like this article? And you probably like contests, exclusive content, and smug commentary right? Then why aren't you liking Guyism on Facebook? Show some pride and click the "Like" button below right now: