January 13, 2010 2:00 pm

Woman fired for showing her awesome new implants at work

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It’s often a tough battle for women in the workplace that’s really only opened up a bit over the past decade with providing women with equal opportunities to their male peers. But unfortunately there are some people who aren’t the feminists that you and I are, like the people at Conde Nast who fired an employee for showing her new implants to coworkers.

According to the woman, who was tracked down by Media Ink but was reluctant to speak on the record because it might affect her ability to get a job, she spoke about her procedure to two female colleagues who asked to see the results.

The woman, who was having the conversation in her office, closed the door, and unbuttoned her blouse to reveal a sports bra.

“It was within the confines of my office, behind closed doors,” the ex-employeee said. “There was no nudity involved. They were personal friends who I had known for years.”

Nevertheless, word about what happened ricocheted around the office and one staffer quickly went to human resources, which informed the woman that same day that a complaint had been lodged.

“[Human resources] told me they were going to investigate and that they would get back to me,” she said. Two days later, she said, HR brought her in and terminated her.

As far as boob flashings or pseudo nudity in the confines of the office go, this literally couldn’t be more innocent. Still highly fappable, yes, but totally innocent. When I go to the gym, I’m literally forced to have other men’s penises flapping away in the breeze (or, in the case of tiny ones, poking out abashedly like a shy kid wearing a hoody), so it seems like two women who ask to learn more about a friend’s implants should be allowed to do so in a private setting.

And who’s the whiner who ratted everyone out over this? It HAS to be an angry flat-chested woman. Listen, flat-chested girls. Some of you are great and your chest fits your body really well. But those of you that have a complex over women who might get more attention for their cup size need to take a step back and don’t concern yourself with other women’s bodies. You flat-chested gals who aren’t cute have uses too! You could be a librarian! Or..um..a scientist! Or an ironing board for those of us who always lack the foresight to purchase one. See, everything in life happens for a reason. Yours just happens to be getting sprayed with starch and run over by a boilingly hot object! Fun!