World’s dumbest sex offender bikes near kids, hides naked under canoe, gets caught

I tend to believe that being a convicted sex offender is one of those crimes where it’s near-impossible to become a functioning member of society. That’s where the story of Florida’s Kenneth Wheeler comes in.

Wheeler was busted loitering near a group of children after a parent called to rat out what she thought was a suspicious man riding a bicycle in the area.

When police arrived, Wheeler fled. For some reason, he opted to then remove his shirt and boxers while being chased.

Police found Wheeler, on house arrest for a violent sex crime, hiding under a canoe in the buff. He was charged with loitering and prowling and violating the terms of his probation.

Wheeler also had on an ankle monitor designed to inform police of any situation in which he breaks house arrest.

Well, I don’t know that there’s such a thing as a feel good story about a sex offender hanging out near kids, but if there is one, this is it. It’s proof that the system works. Mainly, the system of “Why is that man riding around on his bicycle around the kids and licking his lips while clad in an ankle monitor?” being the main tip-off to something being amiss. You don’t have to be Columbo to get to the bottom of that one.

Sex Offender Arrested After Hanging Out Around Children [WFLA]

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