Trending Turds: The week’s worst Twitter topics
If you want to feel bad about humanity, one look at Twitter’s trending topics will do it. Here’s the worst of what trended this week.
Trending topics on Twitter are a lens into the dark heart of the world’s subconscious, as social media users flock, lemming-like to do what they see others doing. Sometimes they’re cool, but most of the time they really stink. Here are three from the last week that really made me fear for the future.
Well you know this is going to be good. President Obama has a polarizing influence on Twitter, because when you give Tea Partiers and other racists just 140 characters to express their feelings, they can’t use any awesome code words. Cut that down even farther to just three words and all kinds of positive thoughts come out.
#DescribeObamaInThreeWords Terrorist Sand Nigger
— Lily Phoenix (@LilyPhoenix4) May 27, 2012
#DescribeObamaInThreeWords Drug Abusing Dog-eater
— Zilla Stevenson (@ZillaStevenson) May 27, 2012
#DescribeObamaInThreeWords faggot loving president
— James C. Loughran (@j_c_loughran) May 27, 2012
Christ, people. It’s possible to disagree with his politics (drone murdering sucks!) without being, I dunno, totally insane.
Well, finally, a trending topic that’s not just a way to be racist towards Black people. Yeah, let’s give these silly honkies a gentle ribbing.
— Michael Obasanya (@iAmMykes) May 31, 2012
— Kris ʎpǝuuǝʞ (@krisk92) May 31, 2012
#UnusualNamesForWhiteGirls shaniqua lmao
— ☆Gho5T b0Y 5mokeY B☆ (@5mokeyBear) May 31, 2012
Oh. So apparently “Unusual Names For White Girls” actually means “Black Girls Have Unusual Names.” I didn’t get the memo. Literally over seven hundred different people made this same “joke,” proving exactly how debased a subculture Twitter truly is.
And if there’s one thing that Twitter loves more than racism, it’s bragging about penis size. Originally #BigDickProblems started as a response to #BigBoobProblems, a hashtag that women used to complain about the very real unpleasantness that comes with having massive hooters. Dudes, however, just used it to talk about how much toilet water they feel with their glans.
#BigDickProblems touchin the toilet water lol
— El Quezzyo DaBlackBo (@iBeWizKHALIFTED) May 31, 2012
having to wear 3 pairs of underwear just to keep the anaconda in its cage. #bigdickproblems
— James Cosentino.(@JamesKTA) May 29, 2012
#BigDickProblems getting a bonner and tearring your pants ;)
— Miguel Maldonado (@MAleAlejandro34) May 31, 2012
When my shit keep comin out the bottom of my boxers < #BigDickProblems lol
— Instagram:TreyMTrey (@UrPussy_MyMouth) May 31, 2012
OK, that last one’s just gross. Go to the bathroom! Don’t poop your pants just because you have a big wiener!
Special Bonus: Twitter Turd Of The Week
Every once in a while, I’m going to focus on one particular Twitter user who really screwed the pooch over the last week. Let’s start off with geotie2323, aka George Tierney of Greenville, South Carolina. Ol’ curious George came to the attention of the blogosphere with this super-classy tweet about Sandra Fluke. Remember her? The Georgetown University student who kicked off a debate about birth control a few months back, then faded into the background. Well, George remembers, and he’s still pissed.
Nice. I guess once Rush Limbaugh has called you a “slut,” it’s fair game, right? Naturally, people noticed George’s outpouring of profanity and started mocking him on the Internet and then things got crazy. He exploded in a geyser of sexist, racist vitriol in a very public arena.
As of press time, Tierney has finally deleted his Twitter account and crawled back into whatever hole full of snakes he was spawned from. Before he left, he did give a single interview to a website where he expanded on his unique worldview. It’s worth a read.
Did you see any terrifyingly dumb topics on Twitter this week? Post them in the comments and I’ll find the worst of the worst.