You may want to avoid the hot dogs in China

Far be it from me to judge another country’s delicacies, but it seems as though the Chinese spin on a traditional hot dog might leave you with more problems than you bargained for.

No wonder my Ballpark Franks stopped plumping when I cooked them and instead sat there, weak, stroking a tiny poodle and sipping on broth.

Also, just a pro tip to any future restauranteurs or food purveyors out there: It’s also typically not a good idea to give away your special ingredients right there on the sign. Make the diner surprised by the robust, layered flavors of AIDS rather than know what’s coming. I apply the same principles to my sex life. It’s totally okay so long as you shrug and go “Whoopsidoodle!” afterward.

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