50 things every guy should know how to do

We understand that not every guy out there can be a jack of all trades. But at the very least, if you can master these 50 things, you’ll be able to hold your head high at the end of the day.

50 Change a tire

Nothing is more unmanly than having to call AAA or one of your buddies to change your tire. Assuming you have all the right tools and a semi-functional brain, the job should take no more than 10 minutes. Just a friendly reminder though, be sure to cover up the plumbers butt for all the bystanders.

49 Use a charcoal grill

Any idiot can turn on a knob on a propane tank and adjust the heat on a gas grill. But there are many times, especially in the great outdoors, when you aren’t afforded that luxury. Charcoal grilling has become a lost art and frankly, as a fat man myself, I find the food tastes much better. It takes some patience to wait for the coals to turn gray, but the reward more often times than not, is a perfectly cooked piece of meat.

48 Bong a beer

We’re certainly not asking that you relive your college days or go Old School on the masses. Nevertheless, at a tailgate with your buddies, when that beer bong makes an appearance, go Frank the Tank on it. “It just tastes so good when it hits your lips”.

47 Throw a punch without looking like a sissy

Inevitably, at least once in your life, you’ll find yourself in a situation where the fists of fury are required. There’s no need to panic, especially if you haven’t been in a fight before. The absolute worst thing you can do is open up your hand and bitch-slap someone or throw a wild haymaker like a girl. Compose yourself, rotate your fist and drive with your hips. A word to the wise, a straight punch to someone’s nose can get you out of a hairy situation pretty quickly.

46 Fry a turkey

With Thanksgiving on the horizon, there may be no better time to learn how to deep-fry a bird. A tip of the cap to the fine people south of the Mason-Dixon line for making this a popular trend. So grab some peanut oil and watch that bird turn a deep golden brown. You won’t regret it and trust me, it tastes a lot better than that roasted turkey your mom has been making since the 70′s.

45 Hook up the cable

Every guy should learn this, if only to avoid the day long wait for the ever-tardy cable man. In essence, it’s as simple a task as you’ll find on this list. A plug here and there, sticking it in the right hole, turning the right knob. Think of it like sex–put the required parts in, get out as fast as possible, and badabing badaboom, you’re watching TV five minutes later.

44 Pick-up a woman with a one-liner

“Is that a keg in your pants…because I’d like to tap that”. Regretfully, that line has not worked for me nor any other man since the Cro-Magnon days. But a first impression is indeed important when it comes to picking up women. A cheesy line gets you a drink in your face, a smooth one gets you in her pants. Your move Casanova.

43 Get your money’s worth at a buffet

Like any good strategist, a mapped-out plan of action is needed when you enter the wonderful world of a buffet. Skip the greens and fruits, that is, unless you actually care about living past 50. Go for the jugular right away–the carving station, the chicken wings and every other beast that was slaughtered for this fine spread. A good rule of thumb is to hold off on the heavy carbs until you’ve gotten your fill. Then feel free to enjoy some mash potatoes and mac & cheese. Make sure to leave some special time with the commode nine hours after you finish.

42 Some assembly required

Those three words scare the living bejesus out of 90% of men out there. Do not fear, you don’t need to be Bob Vila to follow simple instructions. The biggest problem for guys seems to be skipping steps and getting ahead of themselves. Don’t be that a-hole. If all else fails, the internet is your friend. Yes, it’s not just there for your daily porn intake.

41 Know your local professional sports teams

You don’t have to paint your face, you don’t have to regurgitate stats, hell, you don’t even have to sport the team colors. But dammit, on command, you better know all the sports teams in your city. Lest you utter the “Boston Yankees” in a bar and get your ass beat by a bunch of Southies.

40 Pour a beer

Perhaps nothing is more annoying than waiting for a frosty one at a bar and having one delivered full of foam. This isn’t rocket science people and you certainly don’t have to be Tom Cruise in Cocktail to figure it out. Tip the glass slightly as you pour that brewed delight. And yes, this is the only time in your life where it’s acceptable to give head.

39 Jump-start a car

Every guy has a friend whose car is in shambles–stalls at red lights, a bad transmission, and of course, a crappy battery. Don’t be the person standing around when the jumper cables come out, lend a helping hand–positive to positive (red to red) and make sure to ground that sucker. Otherwise, you’ll have a catastrophe on your hands.

38 Throw a football

Indeed, you’re no Peyton Manning, perhaps you’re not even as good as the local HS quarterback. Throwing a spiral, however, is as easy as anything in sports. Even if you have small hands and can’t grab the ball on the grip (that’s what she said), it’s still pretty simple.

37 Haggle for a lower price

“Never accept the first price” is something that’s hammered home to every young man by their father. This doesn’t necessarily mean you pretend you’re an Arab merchant and haggle at the local grocery store. But anything north of $100 bucks, in my opinion, is fair game.

36 Tie a tie

Regardless of whether your job entails dressing in a three piece suit, you will have to, at least a few times a year, be forced to wear a tie for a wedding or funeral. We assume you’re not wearing the clip-on variety so you’ll have to do the Windsor knot. It’s not as hard as it looks and again, the internet, especially YouTube, is your friend.

35 Erect a tent

The first time you erect a tent, naturally, it’s going to be confusing. You may even get frustrated to the point where you’ll never camp again. Take a deep breath, find some level ground and pound those stakes down. Work your way from there and you’ll find things a bit easier.

34 Cast a fishing rod

As a kid, it was acceptable to drop your tiny fishing rod off the dock and say “Here…fishy, fishy, fishy”. But as you get older, you’re actually going to have to cast slightly further than two feet beyond the pier. That is, unless you want to watch catch Sunfish and Bluegill your whole life.