7 ways to ruin a potentially viral video
A. Isaac 
We screen hundreds of videos a week here on Guyism. In an attempt to entertain you, the readers, we look for hidden gems that have yet to be unearthed on the web.
But for every great video we see, there are a number that are just plain awful. Clips that should never see the light of day, let alone sites like YouTube. Oftentimes, these videos have the potential to be great but sorely lack in execution. So, if you want to make a viral video, avoid these seven things like the plague.
7 Adding unnecessary commentary
As viewers, we expect that when an amateur video is made, especially an impromptu one, there’s going to be some chit-chat, perhaps even some background info as to what’s going on. That’s fine and frankly, we appreciate you giving us the lowdown on why two half-naked woman are brawling with each other on a crowded street. But we certainly don’t need your Joe Buck play-by-play of the event, nor we do need the cheesy color commentary that is only hysterical to you, and you alone. Take, for example, this clip we showed you a few weeks ago of a San Francisco prostitute fight. The title alone should be enough to grab your attention and keep it there for quite some time, but the commentary, well, it makes you want to box your ears repeatedly.
6 The sideways video
Rotate 90 degrees left or rotate 90 degrees right! It’s that simple folks. Take your video, open that fancy little video editor that your computer comes equipped with, and follow those instructions. That, or, you know, stop filming horizontally. As avid YouTube viewers, if we see the sideways video, regardless of the content, we move on. Our necks will thank us later.
5 Adding music
We applaud you for taking the time to add “Thunderstruck” to your highlight video, we really do. Legendary song and often a perfect choice for a football reel of bone crunching hits. But when we actually need to hear what people are saying, your addition of music pretty much makes the video useless. Would we find such classics as, “Charlie bit my finger” as entertaining if it was set to music. Hmm?
4 Adding unneeded slow motion
The saying goes, “a little knowledge is a dangerous thing”. We’re pretty sure that was in reference to the semi-advanced features in video editors like iMovie and Windows Move Maker. No doubt, slow motion is key when recording a sporting event and if you, uh, want to watch cheerleaders run onto the field. But when two female fans are about to go at it in the stands, we’ll take regular speed thank you very much. We enjoy our curse words without it sounding like an abnormally long gorilla fart.
3 Cutting off a video too soon
Every story has a sequence–a beginning, a middle, and an end. In more complex terms as it relates to literature or movies, there’s something called the dramatic structure–introduction, rising action, climax, falling action, and the dénouement. With shortened videos on the web, these five things can occur within a matter of seconds. But some people, for whatever reason, cut off videos right before the climax, oftentimes leaving the viewer unsatisfied. Watch how annoying this clip is after a punch is thrown and the video is stopped abruptly.
2 Great title, poor filming
Here’s the title of the video below: “Drunk girl at the Red Sox game wants to fight a 9 year old”. Enticing right? Something that might be worth taking two minutes out of your day as you enjoy your morning coffee. Not because you’re interested in seeing a 9-year old getting beat up, more so for the hilarity of female drunkenness. But when that’s followed up with you recording the back of someone’s shirt and not capturing the entire moment (including said 9-year old), well then, shame on you. You’ve lied to the legion of loyal YouTube viewers who were only interested in seeing someone drunkenly embarrass herself.
1 Video too long
Perhaps it’s ADD, perhaps it’s just pure bordeom, but in the internet age, you’re lucky if you can grab our attention for more than a handful of seconds before we move on to something else. If a video doesn’t get good within that time frame, you’re usually screwed. And anything longer than five minutes, regardless of what’s going on in the video, will usually put us to sleep. So when you tempt users with “Fat Kid Gets Stuck in an inner tube EPIC FAIL!!!”, and then post something 20 minutes long—yea, that’s not gonna work.
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