7 ways to ruin a perfectly good wedding

Shawn Norris

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Shelley Panzarella, Flickr

It’s getting to be that time of year again. The weather gets warm, the flowers are in full bloom and the nuptials start to flow like fine wine… for better or for worse. Before you know it, you’re buying a new suit and it’s time to watch people make a 50/50 decision on who to spend the rest of their life with. It’s a joyous and love-filled time where we all share in the union of two souls that are meant to be together for eternity.

It’s also a very delicate situation that can take months (possibly years) to plan. And it can be very easily ruined by a person with the right motives or blood alcohol content. Here are a few things to avoid if you aren’t in the business of ruining a friend or loved one’s nuptials.

Photo credit: Shelley Panzarella, Flickr

7 Telling an inappropriate story during the congratulatory video
It’s a sweet idea to send someone around with a camera to film well wishes to the bride and groom during the wedding reception, but you need to do that early on in the festivities. A few hours in and Jack Daniels may have loosened up Uncle Jack or a guy in the wedding party so much that they will tell a wholly inappropriate story about that day when the bride was out of town and you guys went and dropped over $600 at a local strip club on lap dances, bottles of champagne and for some reason a license plate that read, “Ask me about the fried pickles.” And watching someone tell that story mere days after the wedding may just add way more strain on a young marriage than is needed… sorry, Ryan.

6 Hitting the bride or groom in the face with a bag of rice
Again, this seems unlikely and improbable, but it does happen. When you give people something to throw in a situation where emotions run high and good sense runs low, it’s often every brain cell and reflex for itself. I saw somebody forget to take the rice out of the intricate little packet one time and just chuck it right at the groom’s face. Needless to say, there are all sorts of pictures being taken and nothing stops a ceremony cold quicker than Uncle Ben moving in for the knockout. Hilarious? Yes. Appropriate. No. Hilarious? Yes. I can’t stress that enough. You may be able to get away with this one.

5 Being THAT guy
At a wedding there is always one guy or girl that just goes completely beyond the level of appropriate alcohol consumption and good taste. It’s the person who is entirely too drunk early on in the reception and you just know that they are going to make some sort of scene later on in the night. You ask them to slow down but they say something like, “Lighten up. It’s a wedding and we’re supposed to have fun!” And a few hours later they are passed out on the grass outside the country club or puking. Just think about all the inappropriate places one could puke at a wedding. Pick one. Now pick another one. Now pick another one. Don’t be that guy/girl. It reflects poorly on everyone involved.

4 Botching the best man speech
There is nothing that will send a wedding reception careening into chaos quite like a botched best man speech. Sometime when a guy gets a little of the beer muscles in him, he’ll go against his good judgment and try to entertain the crowd. If you start your speech by saying, “This one time when we were in Tijuana…” or “I can’t believe the bride is wearing a white dress!” you need to stop and look around. This isn’t the Apollo or amateur hour at the Albuquerque Chuckle Factory. This is the best day of your best friend’s life and you should treat it with the type of respect that it deserves. Now the bachelor party is a whole different story…

3 Objecting
If you are at a wedding where you don’t feel the bride and groom should spend their lives in holy matrimony then you need to find a time and a place to do so before the wedding. The ceremony is neither the time nor place to air your grievances. You risk irreparable damage to longstanding friendships and can ruin the entire wedding by not forever holding your peace. You had plenty of time to talk things out with whoever is getting married before the actual ceremony. Don’t be the person that ruins the happiest day of two people’s lives by standing up and objecting in the middle of the service. This isn’t a romantic comedy film, this is real life. If you have reservations, you need to find a time and a place to say something. The actual ceremony is not it, Benjamin Braddock.

2 Bring a date that hates or used to date the bride or groom
Sometimes you get a group of friends from high school or college that have a long history together at a wedding. And sometimes a few of those people have been in relationships or have strong feeling towards other people in said group. And sometimes when women get a little tipsy, they have a tendency to get emotional. Add that to all the emotions of a wedding and sometimes things get ugly. Nothing brings the waterworks like a person eight vodka tonics deep that just watched their supposed love of their life get married to someone else. Men tend to get violent and women tend to go completely insane. Man or woman, a situation such as this leaves you apologizing for your date and wondering why they wanted to even come with you to the wedding in the first place. Either way — seriously awkward.

1 Trying to kiss the bride when you aren’t the groom
Whoa, bad, bad idea if you are not the groom. And it doesn’t happen but once in a blue moon, but it may be the all-time awkward situations. A guy or girl gets a little tipsy, the emotions get the best of them and they decide to plant one on the closest person in a bow-tie or dress. You may be able to say goodbye to your inhibitions, but you’re going to say hello to a black-eye or bruised cheek. The cardinal sin of weddings!