9 common porn moves that you should avoid
Lance Martin
Guys who are inexperienced with women but familiar with adult films may have a horribly warped sense of sex as well as what women find pleasurable. Hopefully this is not the case with most guys, but one can assume that a certain percentage of men retain the misguided teachings of porn. Never fear though, we’re here to help with the nine most common porn moves that you should avoid.
9 The d-ck slap
If you have watched even 20 seconds of porn you have likely seen this ultra classy move. It would seem that every male porn star has a compulsion to slap his member upon the behind, breast, or face of his partner. Whether to stay hard, to exert dominance, or to degrade, it doesn’t seem likely that a woman would enjoy this and quite likely that she will find it insulting or childish.
8 Getting out of a speeding ticket
You have probably seen this scenario before: a hot female cop pulls the guy in the sports car over and allows herself to be seduced by Mr. Macho Bignuts, who “gets off” with a warning. If you try this expect to get off with jail time, and some awkward moments with your new roommate Big Daddy.
7 Pulling hair
Gentle hair pulling can actually be a turn on. Rough, painful yanking of hair is not. There is a fine line between pleasure and pain and you would be best advised to stay clear of this line entirely, unless she specifically asks for it. Then proceed gently. Gently!
6 No foreplay
People need foreplay, men as well as women. Some confusion understandably results from the fact that foreplay for men can take .00004 seconds and involve nothing more than a glance, an accidental touch, or simply gaining consciousness. While some women don’t require much foreplay you would be well served to banish this thought from your mind and plan to provide ample foreplay every time.
5 School girl licking a popsicle
For one thing, there’s a chance that the girl is in fact not legal, and two, simply licking a popsicle is not an invitation. While older guys will have success 100% of the time approaching this girl/woman in porn movies, this is a very very bad idea for you. Unless you like ending up in jail with Big Daddy, as previously noted.
4 Hot for teacher
Every once in a while a news story will break about a female teacher sleeping with one of her students. The story makes headlines because it actually happens quite rarely. Not to say it is impossible, just that if you were thinking of coming on to your hot English professor, remember that she will be grading you one way or another. And probably not on a curve.
3 Pizza Delivery Guy / Handy Man / Pool Cleaner
Dressing up as one of these characters, contrary to popular porn portrayal, does not instantly make women crazy with desire. Sure there may be some woman out there who can’t control herself when the pool cleaner arrives, but it isn’t the woman in the videos. Keep that in mind when you’re thinking about applying to Pizza Hut.
2 Dr. Love
There are few instances when two consenting adults cannot legally have sex. However, when one of them is a doctor, nurse, or mental health professional and the other is a patient, that is one of those instances. With a career at risk, most have no problem resisting the supposedly irresistible. Besides, you’re really quite resistible.
1 Whip it out and expect a threesome
They may be sisters, close friends, or even BFF, but that doesn’t mean they want to have sex together, and it certainly doesn’t mean they want to have a threesome with you. These types of scenarios are so familiar in porn that we almost expect any woman anywhere to be willing to get excited simply because we walk in the room or pull our tool out. What a wonderful world that would be. It is not, however, the world we live in. So keep it in your pants.
follow guyism:
Other Stories You Might LIke
7 times when it’s okay for a man to cry
9 things you need to stop sharing on Facebook
50 photos of people with bad tans
comment on this story
blog comments powered by Disqus