9 types of updates you can’t avoid in your Facebook news feed
AJ Dellinger
Social networking is a part of everyday life for most people, but the sad thing is no matter how often you check your Facebook page, odds are you’re going to run into the same types of updates over and over.
9 Too Much Information
“Just got done cleaning the shower. Now I’m going to go make some spinach dip.” First of all, you shouldn’t cook right after cleaning. It just seems dirty. Second, did you really need to post that update? How many friends of yours do you think were curious as to what you were doing and what you plan on doing next? If you answered none, you’re correct. I can’t wait until you’re in your forties and posting status updates about your crazy cats.
8 Liking Everything
It’s great that people can share their interests over social networks and connect with people who like the same things, but the like button has just made me hate the things my friends like. I’m glad that you can finally be open about how you love things such as sleeping. I hope you aren’t a fan of breathing because I’m going to choke you the next time you hit the “like” button.
7 YouTube Videos
Internet memes are fun, but only when you catch them as they’re happening. Things that were funny in 2006 lose their appeal years later. At least one of your friends on Facebook has five-year Internet lag, so expect to see the Numa Numa Guy in your feed real soon.
6 Relationships
It’s said that relationships aren’t for real until they are Facebook official. It should be noted that those who say that are idiots. Half the time when you see that someone has entered a relationship, they’ll change back to single within a week. Side note: If you want to create an awkward situation, like the relationship status of a friend of the opposite gender when they set it to single.
5 Song Lyrics
Sometimes your own words aren’t good enough to express how you feel. When that’s the case, just steal someone else’s.
4 Games
Facebook has become a haven for third party applications. You can almost guarantee one of your friends is playing some absurd game right this second that requires him or her to acquire things like a hammer or cucumbers so they can complete tasks like…collecting hammers or cucumbers.
3 Quizzes
Have you ever been curious as to what state that originally seceded from the Union you’re most like? Well, odds are you friends were wondering that exact thing. While you’re at it, enjoy reading up on what Kool-Aid flavor Steve is.
2 Statuses that Beg for Attention
“Can’t imagine how things could get any worse…” You can’t imagine anything worse than what you’re going through? I know you want a comment asking, “What’s wrong” but I don’t play that game. Instead I’m going to assume you have a rare flesh-eating disease that somehow mixed with cancer and AIDS, which you contracted after getting attacked by a shark. If that wasn’t it, then step up your imagination.
1 Links
Your friends often discover things on the Internet, much like this article, that they find to be interesting. Often times, they aren’t. That’s not going to stop them from posting the link though on the chance that maybe you’ll accidentally click it while attempting to hit the “Hide” button.
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