Capri Sun Beef hits school cafeterias

Colin Joliat Alcohol & Food Editor


School lunch will never be the same now that Capri Sun Beef has hit the market. “It’s eight meaty ounces of cow in a pouch!”

I can hear the vegan uproar already. “We don’t drink beef, so you can’t have it in your impenetrable juice pouches either!” Well, too bad broccoli wads. I’m going to slurp all the insoluble fat sludge I want, and there’s nothing you can do about it. What? These don’t actually exist? Damn you Jimmy Kimmel!

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