Sir Richards: Funny name, serious condom
Colin Joliat While not technically (or physically for that matter) alcohol, it seems as though condom coverage falls under my Guyism umbrella. Think about it. Unless you have a significant other, when was the last time you had sober sex? Exactly. Condoms and booze go together like lamb and tuna fish.
For the most part, people know of four brands of condoms: Durex, Trojan, Lifestyles, and that weird shaped one you bought from a gas station vending machine when you were 13. Recently a new challenger has risen and is attempting to erect a new empire. It also has the greatest name of any jimmy jam company on Earth, Sir Richards. We all have our own preference in terms of johnny bags (ribbed, twisted, thin, broken), but there are a few things that might get Sir Richards ahead of the competition.
Most notably, for every cock sock sold, the company donates one to a needy country. Not only are you getting laid, or at least protecting that slot in your wallet, but people who don’t have easy access to willie warmers are getting protection as well. Just recently, Sir Richards donated 500,000 love gloves to Haiti. Because the clever name Sir Richards wouldn’t make sense in most coutries, they work with local artists, healthcare providers, and others to rebrand them in a way that’s culturally relevant.
I’ve been told that some guys get embarrassed when buying condoms. I, on the other hand, strut to the counter proudly because I know the cute cashier is going to think that at least one woman out there is willing to sex me up. If you are one of the former though, Sir Richard has you covered. They offer free shipping! You no longer need to leave the house in order to get more condoms, which can be a huge plus you’re on a Diddy-style crazy tantric binge. They also promise your package will be in a sketchy discrete box. Fornicate on the regular? You can get a subscription (and 20%) and have them show up at your door right on schedule. Talk about being serviced!
They are vegan friendly! I’m not a vegan; I’m not even a part time vegetarian. I know there are some of you who are though, and I’m here to look out for you (or your girlfriends). Casein is a protein found in milk that is sometimes used to create latex, but Sir Richard will have none of it. Rest assured there will be no non-human animal product anywhere near your body. If that’s not enough for you, they are sold at Whole Foods. I know how you health nuts like to shop there for everything.
So there you have it, three-ways that Sir Richard sets itself apart in the jimmies business. Sorry if I was a little hard-on the puns and innuendos.
Full details for you: made from 100% natural latex; premium lubricant for optimal gliding; free of glycerin, spermicide and parabens; free of dairy product casein, making the condoms vegan friendly; minimal latex odor. They come in ultra thin, ribbed, pleasure dots, extra large, and a collection pack. Each are $14 per 12-pack.
I came across this great video, by Jeffery Garland, discussing the benefits that Sir Richards is providing to society. It’s not as humorous as Will Ferrell yelling, “Gator’s bitches better be using jimmies,” but it’s well worth watching.
follow guyism:
Other Stories You Might LIke
VIDEO: Louis C.K. even makes the act of giving to charity hilarious
Drink ‘More Brown Than Black IPA’ for a cause
Homeless guy leaves behind $4 million
comment on this story
blog comments powered by Disqus