The FTC announces drinkers are too stupid

Colin Joliat Staff Writer

Unless you were sober or under a rock for the past 6 years, you are probably aware of a product called Four Loko. For those somehow unacquainted though, Four Loko is an alcoholic beverage that was the source of controversy due in part to its size, 12% alcohol content, and caffeine. Towards the end of 2010, it was banned in many states and was forced to rework their product to eliminate the caffeine.

FourLoko 157x214 The FTC announces drinkers are too stupidThe critics weren’t satisfied though, and Four Loko’s opponents recently shifted to arguments that the product uses deceptive and irresponsible marketing.  They claim that a 24 ounce can, because it is not resealable, is considered to be one serving by consumers. That, combined with the high alcohol content, misleads consumers into believe that they are drinking significantly less alcohol than they actually are. A agreement yesterday between Phusion (makers of Four Loko) and the Federal Trade Commission has just proven the powers that be believe consumers are entirely helpless.

Per the agreement, the product will contain a new label that reads, ”This can has as much alcohol as 4 regular (12 oz. 5 percent alc/vol) beers.” Let’s be clear though, the current can clearly states that it is 23.5 ounces and contains 12% alcohol. It’s not hidden in fine print nor does the can doesn’t look small. Apparently the FTC doesn’t believe people aren’t smart enough to realize 2 times as much liquid and twice high of an alcohol content leads to 4 times as much alcohol. Look, I understand math can be tough. Sometimes I look at a $5 and think it’s probably the same thing as a $20 bill just because they are both green paper money. Store clerks are constantly ripping me off because Uncle Sam hasn’t put a clear message on the money stating that $20 > $5.

Maybe 4 beers is more than someone should drink at any given time. Phusion is actually now required working to create a resealable can to eliminate the idea that you have to finish the drink in one sitting. In the meantime though, I won’t dispute the possibility that someone considers a giant can to be one serving. My question is, why wouldn’t that rule apply to anything in a can with more than one serving? Tuna fish has two servings per can, so shouldn’t there be a special lable to protect me from eating too much fish? How could I possibly know that one can of Campbell’s Chunky soup isn’t one serving? Don’t even get me started on a can of pineapple juice. I have enough trouble getting one of those open let alone telling that 46 ounces of sugary juice isn’t one serving.

Tune 309x173 The FTC announces drinkers are too stupid
 

To be a little less obnoxiously hyperbolic, “Double Bastard Ale” by Stone Brewing Co. is sold in 22 ounce bottles, contains 11.2% ABV, and is absolutely delicious. The bottle comes with a normal beer cap, so it’s not resealable. Why does the FTC require Four Loko to bear an advanced label while Double Bastard reigns free, poisoning the idiotic consumer?

While Phusion begrudgingly agreed to this deal, they thankfully refuse to admit they are wrong. Co-founder Jaisen Freeman said, “Even though we reached an agreement, we don’t share the FTC’s perspective, and we disagree with their allegations.” This isn’t the first time I’ve talked about Four Loko, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.

News article here.

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